


By the Grace of God

by perdiccas



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, I Am Become Death, M/M, Premature Ejaculation, Religious Imagery, Romance, Sexual Dysfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-12
Updated: 2008-10-11
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:54:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perdiccas/pseuds/perdiccas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in an AU version of the I Am Become Death future; a fic about sexual dysfunction. "He smiled to himself as he absently opened and closed the arms of the thick-framed glasses, remembering how he had slipped them from Gabriel's face the first time they had kissed. Six months had passed since then, six surprisingly happy and guilt-free months, but still the sex was far from effortless."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to widestance75 for her unending support.
> 
> Winner Best Epic @ the Heroes Slash Awards: Winter 2009  
> Winner Best Matt Characterisation @ the Heroes Slash Awards: Winter 2009  
> Runner Up Best Romance @ the Heroes Slash Awards: Winter 2009  
> Runner Up Best Mohinder/Sylar Fic (R-NC-17) @ the Heroes Slash Awards: Winter 2009

Gabriel sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread with his hands clutching restlessly at the knees of his jeans. Beside him, Mohinder knelt, leaning in to kiss him softly. His hands rested lightly on Gabriel's shoulders, curling around his neck to tangle in the wispy hairs at the base of his skull. Mohinder's lips felt kiss-swollen, pulsing against Gabriel's every time their mouths or tongues or teeth collided. His cheeks tingled with the scratch of Gabriel's stubble and his skin was hot, warmed by the steady stream of Gabriel's breath and the heady flush of desire that started in the base of his gut, radiating outwards until his whole body trembled with want. Still, he kept his movements slow and measured, shifting only slightly on the bed to lean in closer.

Mohinder tried to hold back his groans even as their kisses deepened. His hands skittered over Gabriel's shoulders, thumbs pressing at his collarbone as Mohinder ached to grope lower, to touch Gabriel's chest and stomach, to caress down his arms and up his thighs. Instead, he moved one hand to cup Gabriel's jaw and held him close, tugging at his bottom lip until Gabriel moaned, vibrations echoing in their mouths with the sound.

Encouraged, Mohinder buried his hands in Gabriel's hair. He inched forward until their chests touched and sighed at the feel of Gabriel's firm muscles pressing back against him through the layers of their clothes. They were dressed casually in sweatshirts and jeans in a deliberate attempt at avoiding anything too provocative. But even dowdy clothes couldn't conceal the strong lines of Gabriel's torso, the slimness of his hips or his broad shoulders. Their loose jeans did nothing to hide either man's arousal and while Mohinder obediently kept his hands to Gabriel's neck and face, he couldn't stop his gaze from roaming more wantonly, settling on the thin strip of pale flesh where Gabriel's sweatshirt had ridden up. Mohinder's eyes raked over the tenting denim between Gabriel's thighs, lingering where his hands could not. Mohinder's fingers twitched at the thought of taking Gabriel in hand, sucking on him or stroking him off just to watch the way his face contorts with pleasure as he comes. He was forced to swallow a groan and bite back a rush of impatience that suddenly took hold.

Mohinder pulled away, breathing deeply to fight his desire to push Gabriel to the mattress and guide him to his climax. He shook his head to clear away the fantasies and settled for inching closer still, his knees pressing now to the side of Gabriel's thigh. Mohinder supposed they looked comical: hungrily kissing, hands fisting in each other's hair and groins pulled back as far apart as possible. Then, Gabriel whimpered Mohinder's name into his lips and laughing was the furthest thing from Mohinder's mind.

'Wait...' Even as Gabriel spoke the words, he dipped back in for another biting kiss, breaking his own rules and skimming his hand over Mohinder's chest, brushing against Mohinder's too-tight nipples.

'We should stop,' Gabriel panted, grabbing Mohinder's ass with both hands, tugging Mohinder until he toppled forward, flush against Gabriel's chest.

'We need to stop,' Gabriel repeated desperately, breathlessly, still kissing Mohinder and rolling his hips up to try and press their groins together. Then, with a frustrated grunt, he pushed Mohinder back with his palms flat to Mohinder's shoulders.

Knocked off balance, Mohinder sprawled at the head of the bed, immediately pulling his knees up to his chest to minimise the erotic sight he knew himself to be: hair mussed, lips flushed and slick with Gabriel's spit, erection barely hidden as it pulsed against his fly. Still, Gabriel groaned pitifully as he stared at Mohinder, covering his face with his hands as he breathed deeply and muttered apologies.

'It's ok, Gabriel,' Mohinder insisted. 'Please don't apologise. It's fine.'

Mohinder took a deep breath of his own, fingers twisting restlessly in the sheets as he stared at the ceiling and waited for Gabriel to collect himself. He kept his face neutral and resisted the temptation to watch as Gabriel stood and began to pace agitatedly about the room. Mohinder had learned to be careful while he waited, to conceal his body's frustration at the stop-start way things sometimes progressed, even as his balls throbbed and his skin tingled with want. Staring at Gabriel, emphasising the fact that Mohinder was waiting patiently for him to pull himself back from the brink, would only make Gabriel blush and stammer. Mohinder's gut would twist with guilt that no matter what he said or did, on some level, Gabriel still felt as if he were letting Mohinder down.

Mohinder pulled his sweatshirt over his head and relaxed back on the pillows. His legs spread of their own accord as he shifted in the sheets to find the most comfortable position to relieve the heavy ache in his crotch. He glanced around Gabriel's bedroom, ever surprised at the homely way the other man decorated. Mohinder smiled at the few personal items scattered on the chest of drawers: a matchbook from the restaurant that they had been to a week before and a photo of the Bennets, smiling out at them from within a delicate cut-glass frame.

There was a crucifix on the wall and a picture of the Virgin Mary tucked into the frame of Gabriel's mirror, but Mohinder averted his eyes from them. It was Gabriel's religion not his, but it was Mohinder who squirmed at the thought of doing what they did under the piercing gaze of Gabriel's god and saints. Gabriel had laughed when, one evening, stumbling hurriedly into the bedroom, Mohinder had broken out of their kiss to take the picture and lay it flat, the Virgin's face to the beech wood veneer of the dressing table.

'She doesn't need to see such things,' he'd insisted as he pushed Gabriel down onto the bed and crawled up his body, settling over him in his arms.

'She's seen much worse than two people in love,' Gabriel had whispered, breath tickling Mohinder's ear. Mohinder's eyes slid closed now at the memory, at how he had sighed at Gabriel's words and kissed him deeply, letting his body express what he couldn't then say in return.

'Besides,' Gabriel had continued. 'If she can forgive my past, then this--' Gabriel broke off with a laugh. 'I like to think she's just happy that I'm happy. Finally happy, even if I don't deserve to be.'

Mohinder had kissed him more aggressively then. Pushing aside those deeper thoughts for another time, a time when they weren't entangled together on the bed, hearts racing and hips grinding. But when he had felt Gabriel's body seize beneath him and heard his name whispered as Gabriel came, Mohinder couldn't help but murmur, 'You do deserve to be happy.'

The next night, the Virgin had been back in her place, surveying the entire room from her perch. Mohinder hadn't tried to shield her eyes that time. Instead, he had let his gaze skate over her serene expression and ignored his own lingering discomfort in the face of such enthusiastic monotheism. Gabriel had found solace in the trappings of his faith and in Mohinder's arms. Who was Mohinder to argue that much of the world thought those things should be mutually exclusive? Wasn't Mohinder's hypocrisy, laying with the man who killed his father, the bigger cross to bear?

But Gabriel wasn't Sylar anymore. The hunger that had controlled him even as he thought his control was second to none had been locked away. As unlikely as the alliance had seemed, Noah Bennet had tamed him, or so the Company claimed. Perhaps, Mohinder thought privately, Bennet had simply shown Gabriel what there was to live for, true friendship and family, things that Sylar had never known. Gabriel had ultimately tamed himself. Now, there were no vestiges left of the man Mohinder had tried to shoot between the eyes. Eventually, he had come to Mohinder for forgiveness and Mohinder, recovering from his own dalliance with abilities and urges beyond his control, found he hadn't the moral high ground to refuse.

Forgiving, however, wasn't the same as forgetting. A tentative civility had blossomed to friendship and grown to this: love and lust and affection wound together in brittle ties that looped around and between them, even as their past, their memories of who that had been and their fears of who they could become once more, and their present, work that compromised their morals and friends who expressed well meant concern, tried to keep them from a future that saw them together. And so, for now, Mohinder had to be content to avoid the disapproving stare of Jesus on his cross and Mary with her child in her arms, as he and Gabriel sinned with impunity on Gabriel's bed. Absolution or not, Mohinder hadn't yet found the inner strength to welcome Gabriel back to the apartment where so much of their past was rooted.

Mohinder took Gabriel's glasses from the nightstand and played with them as from the corner of his eye he noted the way Gabriel leaned against the cool glass of the window, his hands still clenched in fists at his sides. He smiled to himself as he absently opened and closed the arms of the thick-frames, remembering how he had slipped them from Gabriel's face the first time that they had kissed. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped at the memory. Six months had passed since then, six surprisingly happy and guilt-free months, but still the sex was far from effortless.

***

At the start, Mohinder had brushed it off. Things had gone too fast, too soon, he knew, but it couldn't have been any other way. As soon as their lips had touched in that first gentle kiss, both with their eyes wide open, leaning in with the full knowledge of the enormity of what it was they were doing, it was if the floodgates holding back years of pent up emotions had been unloosed. The old standbys of lust, hate, anger and desire, and the new arrivals of friendship and interest and fondness had swirled together in a heady mix that was always confusing and always passionate.

It had driven Mohinder to deepen their kiss. He had nipped at Gabriel's mouth, fingers running through hair that was longer then than it had been before, slicked back from his forehead so unlike the first time that they had met in Virginia Beach. He had raised his body up and settled himself over Gabriel's lap, straddling him and grinding down.

Mohinder had needed Gabriel to know that the time had come for decisions to be made. But when he had pressed his body to Gabriel's, he had found their chests heaving in time and his arousal enthusiastically reflected from Gabriel's dark blown-pupils to the flush in his lips; from the tensing of Gabriel's thighs to his hardness that rubbed against Mohinder's own. Then, Mohinder thought that perhaps this decision had long since been made. And so, he hadn't held back.

Mohinder had kissed and licked and stroked. He had reached between them and touched Gabriel in all the places that he had fantasised about on the nights that had gone before, caressed everywhere that made Gabriel whimper and moan just as Mohinder had pictured when had taken himself in hand, alone and wanting. And, as their bodies undulated together on the sofa, the sound of the movie they were meant to be watching drowned out by the slide of denim on denim and the wet smack of their kisses, Gabriel had climaxed.

His face had contorted in a grimace of pleasure and abject humiliation. He had whimpered wretchedly, half clinging to Mohinder to ground himself as the wetness seeped across his groin and half pushing him aside, trying to hide himself away from the look of shock and confusion that Mohinder couldn't conceal.

Mohinder had recovered his composure quickly. He had tried to kiss away the blush from Gabriel's cheeks, assuring him with his hands, his mouth and whispered words of consolation that he had done nothing to be ashamed of. Still, despondent groans escaped Gabriel's lips and Gabriel's kisses seemed to grow reluctant and lacklustre as he had fidgeted uncomfortably in his cooling, sticky underwear.

'I should clean up,' he had muttered. By then he had been sitting frigidly under Mohinder, his back ramrod straight as he chewed anxiously on his bottom lip. He had refused to meet Mohinder's eyes as he spoke.

'Ok,' Mohinder had replied with a nod. But even as he agreed, he slid off Gabriel's lap and spread himself across the cushions. One quick and unexpected yank of his arm and Gabriel had landed on top of him. Mohinder had taken Gabriel's hand in his own, interlaced their fingers and pressed Gabriel's palm to his fly. Mohinder had still been fully hard and he could feel his erection throb as he guided Gabriel's shaking hand to rub him through his jeans. Gabriel had been the one unable conceal his shock, then, but when Mohinder's hips had rocked up into his hand and Mohinder had panted Gabriel's name desperately in his ear, Gabriel's face had broken into a wide grin. He had kissed Mohinder confidently then.

It took longer for Mohinder to come than it had for Gabriel. It always did. But that first night together, anticipation and excitement had pooled in Mohinder's every cell long before their lips first met. His balls had been tight, pulled up and aching from the moment Gabriel's long, lean body settled over his, and Mohinder hadn't lasted as long as could have.

When Gabriel's hand slid under his belt and he had grasped Mohinder through the thin cotton of his boxer-briefs, Mohinder let go. He had given in to the mounting heat that came with every short, sharp tug of Gabriel's fingers. He had let himself be subsumed by the tightness in his chest that became more breathlessly, intoxicatingly constricting with every twist of Gabriel's wrist. When Mohinder orgasmed, he had pressed his lips to Gabriel's jaw, licking and sucking on his stubbled skin, and when he finally came down, body slack and sated, he had brushed his finger over the damp redness his attentions had left in his wake.

Drowsy and dopey with a shared afterglow, they had laughed together at the sheer pleasure of their release, and at the ridiculous state they were in: clothes soiled; balanced precariously on a couch that had been far too short for them to get comfortable. Only then, when Mohinder could tell that the flush in Gabriel's cheeks was wholly a sign of happiness and not embarrassment, had Mohinder finally let himself be led to the shower.

They had stripped each other slowly, shyly admiring one another's bodies as with every article of clothing shed, more skin to lick and kiss became exposed. The warm spray of the shower had washed away the final remnants of Gabriel's mortification and with Mohinder's soapy fingers carding playfully through his chest hair, Mohinder had found that Gabriel quickly stiffened again against his hip.

Mohinder had dropped to his knees, tilting his head back to let the water push his hair from his eyes and beat soothingly down his chest. It had running in rivulets around the hard points of his nipples as he kissed Gabriel's thighs and contemplated the erection before him. It had been too long since Mohinder had taken another man in his mouth. Even half-hard and growing, Gabriel was thick and long and imposing. With a silent prayer that he wouldn't embarrass himself by choking straight away, Mohinder had wrapped first his fist around Gabriel's base and then guided Gabriel's tip between his lips.

Mohinder had worked slowly at first, easing himself back into the stretch of his lips and the crane of his neck. Mohinder remembered with a smile his misplaced rush of pride at his own rusty skills when Gabriel had come so soon, hot and fast, pulsing over his tongue. Gabriel had pulled him up, kissing him soundly and groaning at the taste of his semen in Mohinder's mouth. He had reached between them, cupping Mohinder's balls and teasing his perineum, but Mohinder couldn't get hard again so quickly, so they had shut off the shower and cuddled together in bed instead.

In the morning, they had woken with their bodies still pressed together. Mohinder's limbs had still felt heavy with sleep and there was a delicious warmth in his groin where Gabriel's morning erection pressed against the soft flesh of his inner thigh. Their kisses had been quick pecks of the lips, punctuated with happy chuckles as they wrinkled their noses teasingly at each other's sour breath. Mohinder had ground himself lazily against Gabriel's hip and cupped his ass, kneading the firm muscle and humming in approval into the crook of Gabriel's neck. Their hands moved languidly over each other's chests, hips rocking slowly as they rubbed their bodies together.

When Mohinder pushed at Gabriel's shoulders and rolled him onto his back with a mock growl of feigned aggression, lying fully over him so that their cocks slid past each other and Gabriel's nipples pressed into Mohinder's chest, Gabriel's eyes had scrunched shut. And, as Mohinder pulled back in confusion to study Gabriel's face, Mohinder had felt the uncontrolled jerk of Gabriel's hips and the sudden, hot wetness against his belly.

'Shit,' Gabriel had muttered as he collapsed sullenly back against the pillows. Mohinder had shushed him, dropping feather light kisses to his clavicle as he made sympathetic noises low in his throat.

'I'm so sorry.' Gabriel had run both fingers through Mohinder's hair, smiling weakly when his fingertips caught on tangled, sleep-mussed curls. Mohinder hadn't said anything in reply. He had calmly kissed up the side of Gabriel's neck, nipping and sucking at his earlobe until he felt some of the tension leach from Gabriel's shoulders.

'Did it feel good?' Mohinder had whispered breathlessly, his lips brushing lightly across Gabriel's ear. He had followed his words with a sloppy lick for good measure.

'Yes,' Gabriel had hissed but the unhappy sigh that followed seemed to belie his words.

'Well, it looked good,' Mohinder had assured him. His voice had been low with want and still husky with sleep. Gabriel had looked directly at him then, eyes blinking and wide as Mohinder swept the pad of his thumb along Gabriel's full bottom lip and kissed him with the digit still trapped between their mouths. 'It looked really fucking good.'

He had reared up on his knees, then, throwing back the covers that had kept them ensconced in a lethargic warmth. He had swept his hand through Gabriel's come, gathering it all on his palm and reached lower, tugging gently at his own balls to ease their insistent throbbing. Gabriel had watched as Mohinder cupped his sac and rubbed the semen across his delicate, wrinkled skin. His hand slid higher, stroking himself lightly until his cock had been glistening from root to slit with a sticky mix of Gabriel's wetness and his own pre-come. Gabriel had let out a shuddery exhalation at the sight and, with a cheeky wink, Mohinder had brought his soiled hand to his mouth and thoroughly cleaned Gabriel's stickiness from his skin.

Mohinder had yelped in pleasure when Gabriel kissed him roughly, fisting a hand in his hair and bodily flipping them over so that he could pin Mohinder's happily writhing body to the mattress. One more bruising kiss and he had nipped and bit his way down Mohinder's torso, tracing the lines of muscle in his chest and abdomen with the point of his tongue. He had kissed Mohinder's leaking tip, spreading his pre-come along his lips before he dropped his head and slipped his lips around Mohinder's length. Mohinder's cock twitched as he recalled how Gabriel had taken him to the back of his throat, sealed his lips tightly around him and pulled up, tongue sliding from side to side as he had sucked his own come from Mohinder's too tight, too hot shaft. Mohinder's hips had rocked, wanton and demanding, wanting to be deep in the wet heat of Gabriel's mouth once more and whining pitifully when Gabriel broke away completely.

He had made Mohinder wait, pinning his hips down, cleaning his balls with short, quick laps and brushing his nose through Mohinder's pubic hair to breath in his scent. Only when Mohinder was begging, whispering, '_please, please, please,_' in a broken, endless loop, did Gabriel's mouth return to his cock. By the time Mohinder had come, shouting Gabriel's name loudly and uninhibited, the haze of his orgasm had banished Gabriel's earlier embarrassment from his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Mohinder was so caught up in reminiscing that when Gabriel kissed him, his lips cool from where he had leaned his face against the window, he jumped a little. They laughed at his reaction and Mohinder put the thick glasses aside. He kissed Gabriel more attentively, sighing into his mouth when Gabriel placed one leg on the outside of each of Mohinder’s and hovered above him. Gabriel supported himself on his forearms and knees, letting their chests touch but not their hips. It was more than Mohinder had been expecting. Usually a setback like that, one that had Gabriel pushing them apart in desperation, ended with Gabriel climaxing anyway or with them starting slowly back at square one, breathing deeply and kissing gently.

‘Ok?’ Mohinder whispered.

‘Yeah,’ Gabriel laughed breathlessly. ‘False alarm, I’m fine.’

Mohinder grinned up at him. ‘We’re making progress.’

‘Don’t jinx it,’ was Gabriel’s only reply. He kissed Mohinder soundly, mouthing across his jaw and down his neck. He stroked Mohinder’s chest through his t-shirt. Gabriel easily found Mohinder’s nipples and brushed over them, pinching them lightly, exactly the way Mohinder liked.

Mohinder bit back the concern that lay heavy in his chest. He wanted to ask, ‘Are you sure?’ or to say, ‘Don’t push yourself’ and ‘Be careful,’ because they’d been here before. Gabriel would insist he was fine and they’d plough on, hands groping more boldly and bodies writhing more frenetically, and despite Gabriel’s assurances, he would come soon after.

It wasn’t that Mohinder minded. His frustration was always tempered by how much he enjoyed watching Gabriel come. If he had his way, he’d make Gabriel climax over and over again until he screamed for mercy just to see the look of ecstasy that washed across his face whenever orgasm overtook him. But Mohinder couldn’t stand to hear Gabriel’s sigh of disappointment or to know that whatever words of comfort he might utter, nothing would fully ease Gabriel’s sense of failure.

Still, Mohinder couldn’t speak the words that pressed at his lips. It seemed so much worse to suggest that he didn’t have faith in Gabriel’s self-control than it was to console him after. So he ran his hands lightly down Gabriel’s back and to his pleasant surprise, Gabriel simply hummed in pleasure against his shoulder. A few months ago, a caress like that would have had Gabriel grinding their hips together and a few months before that, the suggestiveness of the touch alone would have had him ejaculating in his pants if hadn’t already.

Mohinder paused for a moment, enjoying the feel of Gabriel’s lips on his skin and the touch of his hands where they had roamed down to play across Mohinder’s stomach. He let his hands rest on Gabriel’s hips and when nothing untoward came of it, Mohinder eased the tips of his fingers under Gabriel’s thick sweatshirt. ‘Take this off for me?’

Gabriel nodded, nipping once more at the hollow of Mohinder’s throat before he sat back on Mohinder’s knees. He took a deep breath, shifting from side to side in a way that let Mohinder know his straining cock was being rubbed against his fly. From the look on Gabriel’s face it was alternately a guilty pleasure and painfully constricting. Mohinder gripped his hips firmly, stilling Gabriel’s movement as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head. His t-shirt rode up with the thick grey cotton and Mohinder was granted a delicious glimpse of Gabriel’s taut stomach and the dark trail of hair low on his abdomen.

‘This too?’ Gabriel asked as he grabbed the hem of his t-shirt.

Mohinder should have said no, told him to take this one step at a time but Gabriel was already pulling the fabric up and with every inch of his stomach and chest that came into view, Mohinder found his own self-control wane. He bit his lip at the sight before him and grasped Gabriel’s hips tighter until he yelped in protest; anything to stop himself from reaching out and carding his fingers through Gabriel’s chest hair, from stroking his nipples and fingering the smooth white line of his scar.

Mohinder ached to tell Gabriel how attractive he was. He needed Gabriel to know how much he wanted to touch him, to kiss and lick his way over every part of him currently exposed. He wanted to say that he loved the contrast of the colour of their skin and of the shape of their bodies; Gabriel, taller, broader and almost ethereally pale beside Mohinder. Mohinder wanted to pull him down roughly and let him know how often he jerked off to the memory of Gabriel just like this: topless, jeans tenting and straddling his lap; and how one day he wanted to be the one straddling Gabriel. How he’d touch himself until he came while Gabriel watched, and how he was sure he’d come harder than he ever had before if he ever got the chance to see his semen splattered over Gabriel’s chest like a wet dream come to life. But they’d learnt early on that nothing pushed Gabriel over the edge like dirty talk, so Mohinder kept biting his lip and wriggled out his own t-shirt to occupy his hands.

They were both breathing heavily now. Gabriel stared down at him, licking his lips at the sight of Mohinder bare-chested beneath him. Mohinder’s hands had moved to his thighs, rubbing soothing circles into the denim of his jeans when Gabriel’s breathing began to speed up. His chest heaved and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, placing his hands over Mohinder’s and holding him tightly until his nails bit bluntly into the back of Mohinder’s wrists. With great effort, Gabriel managed to slow his gasping breaths to shuddery sighs and, with his eyes still shut, he leaned down and kissed Mohinder in triumph.

‘You’re doing so well, Gabriel,’ Mohinder muttered against his mouth.

He splayed his hand on the back of Gabriel’s shoulder and urged him forward. Gabriel lay over him again and this time their chests were skin to skin. Mohinder moaned at the feel of Gabriel’s chest hair rubbing against his sensitive nipples. He arched his back a little, lifting himself off the bed to press their stomachs together more firmly but Gabriel grabbed him by the biceps, holding him in an almost painful, vice-like grip. Then he cursed and rolled over, off Mohinder to lie beside him.

‘Maybe I’m not doing so well after all.’ There was a bitterness to Gabriel’s voice that made Mohinder’s heart ache for him.

‘Don’t say that,’ Mohinder insisted. ‘That was my fault, I’m sorry.’

‘Your fault? How? Because you touched me?’ Gabriel laughed mirthlessly. ‘This shouldn’t be such a fucking problem!’

‘Hey!’ Mohinder grabbed Gabriel’s hand before it could close into a fist. He interlaced their fingers and brushed his thumb across Gabriel’s knuckles, trying to ground him and calm him. ‘It’s ok, alright? Let’s just take a break.’

Mohinder breathed deeply just like the doctor had suggested Gabriel do and although he caught Gabriel rolling his eyes, he soon followed suit. Mohinder cast his mind around for a topic of conversation that might take Gabriel’s mind off his arousal and his discomfort. The doctor had advised direct questions, things that Gabriel couldn’t ‘mmm hmm’ or um and ah his way out of; something upbeat and light hearted but the best Mohinder could do was, ‘So, do you have plans for tomorrow?’

Gabriel groaned, perfectly aware of what Mohinder was trying to do but when Mohinder squeezed his hand, he sighed and rolled onto his side so that they were facing. ‘Nothing exciting, just church.’

‘Pray for me?’

‘Always.’ Gabriel stroked his cheek. ‘What about you?’

‘Spending the day with Molly. She’s been feeling a little out of sorts since Daniella was born. Matt says she’s worried that he and Daphne won’t love her as much now they have a baby of their own. I promised to take her to the mall and see if I can talk some sense into her.’

‘Must be hard for her’

‘Yeah’

They avoided the fact that Molly was only an orphan, only having trouble dealing with a new baby and feeling displaced and unloved, because Sylar had killed her parents. Mohinder had forgiven Gabriel for those murders in theory, after all it was part of the same hunger than had driven him to kill the others too. But in practice, Mohinder knew he could never face Molly again if he didn’t harbour some ill will towards Gabriel for what his former self had done to her.

Molly didn’t know about their relationship and Gabriel hadn’t broached the subject of apologising to her like he had to Mohinder. Matt knew, of course, he had from the very start, and Matt never kept anything from Daphne.

Mohinder knew they disapproved. They’d argued heatedly about it, Matt all the while sifting through Mohinder's memories and thoughts to get the root of the _why_ and _how_ of Mohinder’s actions. Ordinarily, Mohinder would have railed against the invasion of his privacy, stormed out perhaps or called Matt out on what he was doing. But, to fight it would be to choose Gabriel over his love for Molly and his friendship for Matt and Daphne, something he could never do. So instead, he had stayed and let Matt scrutinise his every fear and whim and anxiety about their relationship, and maybe it was the fact that he had let himself be subjected to that, not anything Matt had found in his mind, which had finally convinced Matt to tentatively extend them his blessing.

Matt had only met Gabriel once, to confirm the hunger was safely locked away and then he had left Mohinder to make his own decisions. Every once in a while he’d ask obliquely if Mohinder was happy and Mohinder knew he was really asking if Gabriel was still the man Mohinder thought him to be.

Gabriel’s eyes slid to the crucifix on the wall opposite. Mohinder tried not to follow his gaze, struck with the ridiculous urge to cover himself. He still wasn’t truly comfortable with the way Gabriel drew strength from his religion at times that seemed immoral at best and blasphemous at worst. But then, Mohinder knew Gabriel would argue that those were the times when he needed God’s guidance most.

‘Do you think He’s testing me?’ Gabriel whispered.

They’d had this conversation before but still Mohinder didn’t know the right thing to say. To say _no_ was to dismiss Gabriel’s concerns or to claim that Mohinder knew more about the workings of a god he didn’t believe in than someone who had spent the past four years dedicating their recovery to that god. To agree was to play into Gabriel’s fear: the fear that in the mortal realm he could never find peace and exculpation.

Mohinder would never understand why Gabriel had thrown himself so wholeheartedly back into a religion whose greatest reward, communion with God in the afterlife, was something he could never achieve. Mohinder’s stomach twisted and flipped whenever he thought about Gabriel’s immortality. He didn’t know about Gabriel, but the doctor’s suggested tactic of conversation had definitely succeeded in staving off his arousal. He was barely hard at all now and squirming uncomfortably under the weight of the subject he knew Gabriel was about to broach.

‘Do you think,’ Gabriel continued, stroking Mohinder’s face again with a smile, absolving him of any need to speak, ‘that this is part of my punishment for what I’ve done? To never be able to enjoy it when I have everything I want? To never be able to give you what you need when all I want most in the world is to make you happy?’

‘Gabriel...’

‘Because sometimes I feel so guilty praying to God to fix this for me, asking for a favour when I’ve already steeped myself in so much sin that I’m surprised I don’t burst into flames the moment I step into a church.’ He laughed quietly to himself but Mohinder couldn’t laugh with him. ‘Do you think I deserve this, Mohinder? Because honestly, I think I do.’

‘Gabriel.’ Mohinder rolled onto his stomach and pressed his palm flat over Gabriel’s heart. He lifted himself up so that he could stare into Gabriel’s deep brown eyes but Gabriel was still staring fixedly at the crucifix. Mohinder took his chin in his hand and forcibly tilted his head so that their eyes met. He looked sad and resigned, as if waiting for Mohinder to agree that he deserved to be punished in such a way. But Mohinder had spoken about this with the doctor too, when he’d gone on his own one day without Gabriel’s knowledge. Mohinder hadn’t paid much attention in the one semester of psychology he’d taken en route to his PhD and the certainty in Gabriel’s voice when he got to talking like this scared him.

The things Gabriel had chosen to blame might have been unusual, the doctor had suggested, but the sentiment behind it was something he’d seen time and again. Gabriel wanted to convince himself that there was a reason for his suffering, the better to either accept his condition or to give him something to focus his energy on rather than the real issue. Neither was a healthy approach and the doctor had urged Mohinder not to placate him, even if it led to uncomfortable truths being said.

‘Gabriel,’ he repeated. He wanted to make sure he his full attention. ‘You’re being ridiculous.’ Mohinder held his chin more tightly to stop him from looking away but kissed him tenderly to soften his words. ‘Premature ejaculation isn’t a punishment from god. It isn’t a punishment at all, and thinking about it like that isn’t going to help you. It’s just something that happens, to lots of men. Do you think they’re being punished too?’

‘No, of course not,’ Gabriel muttered. He didn’t sound convinced though and managed to break his chin free from Mohinder’s hold. Taking a deep breath, Mohinder embraced him, nuzzling his face into Gabriel’s neck.

‘I hate it when you talk like this, Gabriel. I wish you understood that it doesn’t matter to me. Would you care, if our positions were reversed?’

‘No. But that’s different, you deserve better.’ He ran his fingers through Mohinder’s hair.

‘Really? I’ve killed just like you did, Gabriel. Wouldn’t your god say that taking one life is one life too many? If you’re being punished then maybe I deserve to be punished too. Is that what you think? That I deserve to be punished?’

‘No, never, Mohinder,’ he said wretchedly. He pressed his head back against the pillows and Mohinder held him closer, feeling as if he’d only made things worse in his cack-handed attempt to find reason and logic in Gabriel’s faith. ‘You were punished enough to have me in your life before.’

‘And blessed now,’ Mohinder whispered. Gabriel didn’t reply but he stroked Mohinder’s hair and Mohinder knew he’d heard.

The silence stretched on and Mohinder wondered if they’d just fall asleep like this, like they’d done so many nights before when Gabriel’s mood took them down this route. Would they curl up in each other’s arms, waking fitfully throughout the night as if they each needed to check the other was still there? In the morning when they woke, would the tension break and would the things they have said now seem silly and overly dramatic?

‘I could fix it, you know,’ Gabriel suddenly said. Mohinder felt his chest grow tight and an icy lump of apprehension sat heavily in his gut. ‘With my ability. I would know exactly what was wrong and what to do.’

‘But you wouldn’t, you couldn’t...’ Mohinder said firmly.

‘That’s why I think it’s a punishment, Mohinder. Don’t you see? It’s a temptation the devil is waving in front of me, trying to get me to give in and to access my powers to heal this or understand it or...’

‘Doesn’t your priest think I’m a temptation too?’

Gabriel scoffed. ‘Love isn’t a temptation, Mohinder. It’s a gift. God doesn’t want us to throw away the gifts he gives us. That’s why I can’t give in and fix myself because it would be throwing you away... but when I don’t, I’m not the one who suffers, you are.’

‘Enough. I love you, Gabriel, but you’re talking nonsense. I’m not suffering. This isn’t a punishment and God or the devil or whoever, if they exist, has got to have better things to do than smite your dick.’ Mohinder kissed him square on the lips, sick of trying to wrap his mind around Gabriel’s theological acrobatics.

The thought processes that gave rise to Gabriel’s version of God, an omniscient being who gave his blessing to being gay and Catholic but meted out punishment for sins long since repented in the form of sexual dysfunction, eluded Mohinder and he suspected they always would. But maybe it wasn’t important that Mohinder couldn’t understand, only that Gabriel had something to cling to when he needed comfort or explanations that Mohinder and science, doctors and drugs, seemed unable to provide.

He punched Gabriel playfully on the arm. ‘I’m going to get a glass of water and when I get back...' He kissed Gabriel again, deeper this time until they pulled apart breathlessly. ‘...we’re not gonna talk anymore, ok?’


	3. Chapter 3

Mohinder made his way to the bathroom. His mind churned with the things Gabriel had said. He splashed cold water onto his face and leaned back against the cool tiled wall, letting the chill on his back still the swirling mess of confused thoughts that tugged at the base of his skull and the back of his eyes, each demanding his attention. He tried to focus on the doctor’s advice, to not let himself get pulled down into Gabriel’s self-doubt. One of them needed to remain strong and rational, and it was up to Mohinder to stop Gabriel from wallowing.

But who would stop Mohinder from wallowing in his fears that Gabriel would never be satisfied with what they had in the moment? And who would shake Mohinder from his own self-doubt, from the ghost of anxiety that always followed him around, whispering in the quiet times that they spent together that Mohinder was only happy because he was fooling himself that Sylar had changed? Such treacherous and traitorous thoughts plagued him late at night, gripping him with a crippling apprehension as Gabriel slept soundly at his side. It was harder to push them aside when he had to listen to Gabriel speak so cavalierly about what he could do with his powers if he so chose.

In his less sane moments of self-delusion, Mohinder wanted to believe that Matt was doing this, planting thoughts in his head and attempting to drive a wedge between them to shield Molly from ever knowing who Mohinder had fallen in love with. After one particularly restless night, Mohinder had returned Molly from a weekend outing, both of them sullen from Mohinder’s foul mood. As soon as Molly had skipped to her room with a roll of her eyes and an exasperated ‘Whatever!’ at Mohinder’s goodbye, Matt had gripped him by the arm and slammed him into the wall, Mohinder taking the brunt of years of police training.

‘What the hell? Get off me!’

‘What you think I did, Mohinder?’ Matt had growled warningly in his ear. ‘I didn’t do it. And you’re sick for thinking I would. My father was that person. You were. Sylar was. I’ve never abused my power that way and while I’d rather you weren’t fucking the man who killed our daughter’s parents, you have a pretty high opinion of yourself to think I’d give in to that just to save you from yourself.’ Matt had punctuated his every word with a violent twist of Mohinder’s arm. Mohinder's knees had started to buckle and his whole back had screamed white hot with pain.

Panic had tightened his chest and all he could grind out had been, ‘Get out of my head!’

‘I’m not in your head, Mohinder! You’re thinking so loud you might as well be screaming. You’re glaring at me like I’m some dog shit you found on the bottom of your shoe and you expect me to ignore that?’ He had pushed Mohinder once, harder into the wall and then his weight fell back. Mohinder had turned, rolling his shoulder and wincing as Matt stared down at him, face red with rage and only inches from his own.

In a measured whisper more menacing than a raised voice, Matt had rounded on him, ‘How long have you known me Mohinder? Five years? And you’ve trusted me every day to keep your daughter safe. _You_ were the one who suggested Daphne and I should have sole custody after you fucked up with the serum. _You_ were the one who didn’t trust yourself to unsupervised visits until I talked you down and made you see some sense and now, one hard fuck...’ Matt had waved his hands in front of Mohinder’s face and talked over him when he tried to interrupt. ‘One hard fuck and you’re willing to believe the worst of me? All because you can’t face the truth that no matter how much _Gabriel_ has changed, a part of you, deep down, still thinks of him as the man who murdered your father. And you know that is never going to change.’

Matt had pushed away from the wall and they stood in silence, breathing heavily. Mohinder had tried not to flinch away from the words but they had stung.

‘Yeah,’ Matt had agreed, replying, Mohinder had supposed, to the sudden confusion in his thoughts. Matt had been right. He’d never really believed Matt could be capable of manipulating him like that, but he had known Matt’s acceptance of his relationship with Gabriel was reluctant at best. Every time he was in Matt’s apartment, signs of family and love and happiness everywhere, Mohinder felt resentful that Matt couldn’t just be pleased that Mohinder was making his own way towards that too. It had been easier to cast Matt as an otherworldly, cartoon villain with diabolical machinations afoot to break them up when really, Matt would never be so underhanded. If he had been honest with himself, Mohinder would have acknowledged long before that confrontation that the things he wanted to accuse Matt of doing were more indicative of the things he’d do, and had done, himself.

Mohinder was the one who had plotted and toyed with Sylar in Montana, drugging and torturing him when he had the chance. When Matt had faced Sylar, he had simply shot him, point-blank, no fuss and dramatics. Neither of their plans had worked out as intended but the evidence was irrefutable. If Matt had wanted him to stop seeing Gabriel, he would have just asked. Mohinder was the only one who spent his time scheming.

‘Yeah,’ Matt had agreed again but this time he laughed, clearly amused at the musings he had overheard. ‘It’s ok,’ he had said gently before Mohinder had been able to bring his thoughts and mouth in line to say that he was sorry.

‘I...’ Mohinder had started but he couldn’t finish his thought. He didn’t know what he was feeling or thinking, and his throat was suddenly tight. Tears, of what?, were prickling at the back of his eyes. Frustration, anger, fear? Sorrow, perhaps, that all his hopes for he and Gabriel had been shattered before him with the insightful way Matt had cut him to the quick? He had turned away from Matt, feeling light headed and uncertain, as if his entire world had been flipped on its head in a matter of minutes.

‘Hey, c’mere.’ Matt hadn’t let him hide away. He’d pulled Mohinder into a tight, brotherly, bear hug and Mohinder had only realised that his breath had been coming in short, shallow pants when he felt it even out and Matt’s arms relaxed around him.

‘Sit,’ he’d said, ushering Mohinder to the sofa. ‘I’ll make you some tea.’

‘I should...’ _Go_, Mohinder had wanted to say, _I should go_. But he hadn’t the strength to say the words lest Matt agree. Why wasn’t Matt throwing him out, he had wondered wildly, after what had just happened?

‘Because you’re family, you great lump!’ Matt had yelled from the kitchen.

‘Great lump?’ he remembered asking, focusing on Matt’s bizarre turn of phrase rather than the million and one thoughts that were crackling across his mind, threatening to drown him.

‘Yeah, sorry,’ Matt had shrugged, handing over a steaming mug of tea, made exactly as Matt always did, with too much sugar and too little milk. Something about that had been intensely comforting. ‘Got that from Molly. Apparently it’s what the kids are saying at school these days.’ They had stared at each other for a moment and then laughed, the tension broken.

‘I’m sorry about your arm.’

‘It’s nothing,’ Mohinder had flexed his shoulder to demonstrate but only whimpered at the burn in his muscles. ‘Well, anyway, I deserved it. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine,’ Matt had studied his face as they sipped their drinks. The memory was so vivid that Mohinder could almost taste the acrid fumes of Matt’s strong, hot coffee wafting up his nostrils. ‘So do you wanna talk about this Gabriel thing or are you happy going quietly insane?’

And they had talked. It hadn’t been easy. Matt had been quick to pounce on Mohinder’s insecurities and to expose the cracks in their relationship. There was so much, Matt had pointed out, that Mohinder and Gabriel hadn’t talked about since they had become intimate – his father’s death and that of Molly’s parents, Kirby plaza, Maya, and Mohinder’s own self-destructive indulgence in powers. They had discussed it before, of course they had, at length or Mohinder would never have come to a point where he felt he could forgive Gabriel in fact as well as in spirit. But their dynamic had changed when they became lovers and things he could forgive in a repentant acquaintance or even a close friend bothered Mohinder more in a boyfriend.

As Matt had tried to shake the foundations of what he and Gabriel had built, Mohinder had found himself fighting tooth and nail to defend it. When the light was low and Daphne came home, hours long passed since Matt and Mohinder’s initial argument, Mohinder found that he was more certain than ever that he and Gabriel were right together. It had taken Matt’s brazen doubts to make Mohinder see how inconsequential his own worries were in the grander scheme of things.

Matt must have projected a thought at Daphne because she hadn’t even complained that neither of them had thought to make dinner. She had simply kissed Mohinder on the cheek and offered to go grab a pizza, scoffing at the notion of delivery.‘Thirty minutes or less, my ass. Who has the time to wait around for that?’

She’d zipped away with Matt’s instruction to get a vegetable supreme or Mohinder would complain, and then before he knew it, Mohinder was staying for dinner. Molly had emerged from her room, surprised to see Mohinder still there but hugging him anyway as she reached across him to grab a slice of pizza.

‘Still grumpy?’ she’d asked, ignoring Matt’s warning glare like the obstinate teenager Mohinder had had to admit she was starting to become.

‘A bit,’ he’d confessed, too drained from introspection and soul-searching to bother constructing a lie for his earlier attitude. But in the fickle way of teens, Molly had apparently lost interest. She just shrugged and left him with a greasy kiss on his cheek, ‘S’ok. Love you anyway.’

Matt had looked as surprised by the outburst as Mohinder felt and Mohinder was certain there’d been no illicit thought sharing to nudge Molly into making him feel better. By the time Mohinder got out, ‘I love you too,’ Molly had been halfway back to her bedroom. She had snorted at him, turning around long enough so that he could see the impressive way she rolled her eyes, but they had shared a grin too and Mohinder knew that no damage had been done.

When Mohinder had left, it hadn’t been late exactly but late enough for a young family who had a baby that needed feeding in the wee hours of the night. Daphne had cut off a university tale that had grown taller by the minute, Matt in stitches on the sofa beside him. ‘Enough with the guy talk, boys. Mohinder, it was lovely to see you. Come by again real soon, but if you’re not outta my house in five minutes, I’m taking Mols to a hotel for the night and you two can fight it out over who gets to breastfeed Daniella.’

Matt had followed him into the hall as he left. ‘Look, Mohinder, I’m not going to pretend that I’m over the moon that you and Gabriel are together, because I’m not. But I know you and you seem, I dunno, better, happier, more something... y’know? Than you have the whole time I’ve known you. So please, do yourself a favour and don’t stick your foot in your mouth.’

‘What?’

‘Oh, come on, Mohinder! I can read you like an open book!’ He had held up his hands in innocent surrender. ‘And without telepathy, I swear. You have that look on your face that says “I’m about to do something incredibly stupid without thinking through on what the consequences will be and when it all goes to hell in a hand basket, I’ll just come crawling back to Matt to save my ass.” Ok, maybe I made up the last part, but let’s be honest here, you kind of have a history of rushing into things.’

‘I do not!’ Mohinder had blustered but Matt had just mimed injecting himself and Mohinder had known he had a point.

Be that as it may, Mohinder had still found himself taking the subway to Gabriel’s apartment and lingering in the cold across the street. There was once a time when he might have been surprised that nobody called the police, reporting him as “loitering” or a “suspicious presence”, maybe even labelling him as “one of them Middle Eastern fellows”. But this was New York City and no one cared about their neighbours, especially not now, when according to the latest census, roughly one person per household had an offensive ability of some description. What use were the police when the people could defend themselves?

Dissent was brewing and Mohinder had known that Matt and Daphne were involved somehow but all Matt had ever told him was that as the progenitor of the initial serum, Mohinder would be a target for both sides. For Molly and Daniella’s safety, _and Gabriel’s_, Mohinder had added mentally, they would never speak of it again.

Mohinder had counted the windows on the apartment building until he was sure he had located Gabriel’s. The light was on and there was nothing to stop him from ringing the doorbell. There was no need for him to stand below Gabriel’s balcony like a modern day Romeo to a most unconventional Juliet. But all Mohinder had been able think as he wrapped his sweater around himself, wishing he had thought to wear a coat, was that Shakespeare had been wrong. A rose by any other name _didn’t_ smell as sweet because Sylar and Gabriel, despite the same face, the same voice, the same kiss, he recalled with a blush from one reckless Montana night, were anything but the same person. Mohinder’s very sanity hung on it. But it was hard to have faith when Mohinder had thought for what seemed so long that Sylar was Zane. He had wanted that to be true so badly then too, that Mohinder feared in his basest nightmares that this was just another facade that Sylar had adopted.

Maybe that was why Mohinder felt so uncomfortable when Gabriel spoke with such certainty of God and saints, prayer, church and the edicts of the Papacy. Gabriel could blindly follow a religion that his own evolved existence should negate and Mohinder couldn’t even muster trust in the man who had pushed him to the depths of his own hell and who had pulled him back again, propelling him to a heaven on earth that Mohinder had never expected to find. Every time Gabriel spoke so fervently of God, Mohinder felt as if he was betraying the man he was certain he loved with all his heart in not being able to express the same faith in Gabriel.

The most confusing thing of all, Mohinder had realised as a light drizzle of rain began to fall, drenching him through to the bone as he leaned against the pole of a streetlamp, was that without Sylar and the things he had done, the Gabriel he knew wouldn’t exist. Gabriel had told him before of the man he used to be, before the eclipse and the manifestation of his power. Quiet, introverted, ignored and angry, nothing like the man Mohinder loved or the man Mohinder had first felt a conflicting, unwanted attraction to.

There were so many forks in the road of his life where Mohinder’s direction, _his fate_, Zane would have said, had been dictated by Sylar’s actions: coming to America, meeting Matt, saving Molly. Without Sylar, Mohinder would have lost as much good as he would have lost bad, he had thought, scratching at his shoulders as the rainwater made the scars on his back itch with the cold. Mohinder had contemplated this conundrum many times since it had first presented itself to him but he was no closer to knowing what, if anything, it told him. So he had filed it away then, and again now, to think about some other time.

In the end, Mohinder had turned away without ringing the bell.

What could he say? ‘I think I love you, Gabriel, but sometimes I wonder if that means I’m insane’?

Or perhaps, ‘I’ve never fallen for anyone like I have for you but still I wake up late at night, thinking about how the man you used to be killed my father and no amount of time or forgiveness will ever take my guilt away’?

Or maybe he should just state the facts as he knew them. ‘Gabriel, I can’t take you back to my apartment because I once tried to kill you in my living room. I can’t tell my daughter how much I love you because you killed her parents and I don’t know if I can live a life of lies if I’m forced to split my heart between her and you,’ and leave Gabriel to fill in the answers?

But what if Gabriel didn’t know them with any more certainty than Mohinder did or worse yet, what if Gabriel thought the only answer was what Mohinder feared the most, that there wasn’t one that would make them happy?

And so, three months on, Mohinder and Gabriel still hadn’t had the conversations they’d needed to the night he had left Matt’s apartment with a near-dislocated shoulder and his belly cramping from the grease of the pizza. Maybe Matt would be proud of him that for once in his life Mohinder didn’t rush headfirst into something without considering the consequences, but he doubted it. They would have to have these conversations eventually and Gabriel was insightful enough to have already started pushing the subject. Mohinder evaded him, still no surer now than he had been that cold, winter night three months ago what on earth he could possibly say.

He and Matt hadn’t spoken about Gabriel since that night, just as they hadn’t spoken of him until that night, barring the day Matt found out they were dating. It wasn’t that Matt had asked him not to, it was that Matt never brought the subject up directly and Mohinder felt ridiculous calling Matt on the telephone like one of Molly’s mooning friends to ask for relationship advice.

But he would call Matt in the morning, and he’d go round for a beer that he hated, to watch some sport, football or baseball or something else American that in all his years living here he’d never bothered to learn the rules of, and he’d ask Matt’s advice. Mohinder would tell him everything, comforted and somewhat humiliated by the knowledge that Matt knew most of it already from his “overly-loud thinking,” as Matt termed to it. It would be awkward to talk with Matt about sex, especially sex with Gabriel, but even the doctor had pointed out that Mohinder needed a shoulder to lean on as much as Gabriel did and after the horrors Mohinder had committed under the influence of the serum, Mohinder was precipitously short on friends. It wasn’t like his relationship with Gabriel hadn’t forced him into awkward conversations before.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter that would sit between parts 3 &amp; 4 but I decided it wasn't really necessary to the plot and, since the timeline/structure of the fic was already getting a bit dicey to follow, I cut it out. But it fleshed out the context a bit for me and if you're crazy like me and reading uncomfortable sex conversations gives you a boner, then "enjoy".
> 
> Much love to widestance75 for being the most supportive, amazing person. And also for being a weirdo who likes uncomfortable sex conversations too! &lt;3

***

‘What about masturbation?’

Mohinder hadn’t thought it was possible for Gabriel to blush a deeper shade of red than the flush that already seemed to cover him from the tips of his ears to the hollow of his throat but at the doctor’s question, one more in line of invasive, personal queries, he did. They hadn’t stopped holding hands since they had sat down opposite the doctor’s desk and Mohinder would swear later that at this particular question he could feel Gabriel’s palm grow even slicker with sweat. The way his other hand had fidgeted nervously with the silver crucifix around his neck did nothing to dispel the picture of quintessential Catholic guilt that Gabriel had painted.

‘You do masturbate, don’t you, Mr. Gray?’ the doctor had continued kindly but firmly. Mohinder had squeezed his hand comfortingly, dropping his gaze to the floor, following Gabriel’s feet as they had tangled together, never idle for a moment, obviously itching to run far away from the questions he was being asked.

‘Yes,’ he had said weakly, refusing to look at Mohinder.

***

Mohinder hadn’t wanted to admit that their sex life might be less than ideal. He had found a million and one reasons and excuses to explain Gabriel’s lack of stamina. At the start he had thought that they were simply moving too fast. He had felt almost overcome with excitement himself those first few weeks, whenever he was in Gabriel’s arms and, knowing that Gabriel hadn’t been in a physical relationship at all in the years that they had known each other, Mohinder had thought it understandable that things were a bit rushed. But when Mohinder’s own lust started to cool and calm into something more manageable and Gabriel’s didn’t, Mohinder had been easily able to excuse that too. _I just haven’t figured out his hot spots yet, it’s my fault for pushing him over the edge so quickly_, he’d thought.

It had seemed that Gabriel’s entire body was an erogenous zone. A kiss or a touch anywhere could set him off: Mohinder’s lips on his neck or his hands on his chest; a thigh between his knees or the feel of Mohinder’s groin pressed to his ass if he embraced him from behind. One particularly memorable night, Mohinder had stood by Gabriel’s bedroom window, watching as a shooting star fell from the sky and Gabriel had come, just from how attractive he had found Mohinder to be, he had said, bathed in the ethereal glow of the moonlight.

Even as Gabriel became more frustrated with himself, Mohinder still found his reaction intensely flattering. He didn’t want to consider that there might be a greater problem because he enjoyed the idea that Gabriel was so aroused by him that even three months in, Gabriel could still barely control himself in Mohinder's presence. Mohinder didn’t want to wonder if Gabriel had been this way with any former lovers, men or women. He didn’t want to think that Gabriel’s passion had nothing to do with him and everything to do with who Gabriel used to be, lonely and inexperienced. Mohinder had found himself clinging to Gabriel’s quick climaxes as one more sign that they were right together. How could he _not_ be with someone who loved him so much, who wanted him so much, that time and again he was overcome by his feelings?

It didn’t even bother Mohinder that they hadn’t had penetrative sex despite being months into an intimate relationship. Gabriel’s mouth and hands kept him more than satisfied and while Mohinder enjoyed anal sex, it wasn’t worth the guilt he would feel, knowing that he had hurt Gabriel in the process.

They hadn’t spoken much about who they had been with in the past. Mohinder had discovered at a young age, when dating a particularly promiscuous girl who seemed to have had prior relations with every male, and some of the females, in his hall of residence, that he had a jealous streak. He had made it a point, from then on, not to ask. There were times when blissful ignorance was best. Still, Gabriel had confessed one night that he’d never been with another man like that, never had a man inside him, and that he wanted to, with Mohinder.

They’d tried a couple of times but Gabriel was nervous and his body impossibly tight. Mohinder had tried to be gentle but Gabriel had come as soon as his fingers first stroked across his asshole and then again while Mohinder massaged his outer rim, trying to relax him before pushing his fingers inside. After that, Gabriel wasn’t able to orgasm again and as Mohinder worked his fingers into his body, Gabriel had only become more tense and unyielding.

Mohinder had seen the frown on his face and the sweat beading on his skin but when he tried to pull his fingers out and suggest that they try again another night, Gabriel had insisted they keep going. He’d slicked himself reluctantly but when he pressed the head of his cock to Gabriel’s opening, Gabriel had whimpered so pitifully in apprehension that no amount of Gabriel’s false bravado could make Mohinder continue.

It was always the same. Gabriel would come too soon and with the fleeting endorphins and the memory of that initial pain that had come with their first attempt, Gabriel’s body locked up and Mohinder refused to do more. Mohinder could tell it bothered Gabriel more than it bothered him. He supposed, not having been intimate with another man in that way, Gabriel had placed an importance on penetrative sex that it didn’t really have, or at least, that it didn’t have to Mohinder. He didn’t feel, he had explained to Gabriel time and again, stroking him and consoling him when he had pulled his fingers from his ass, cursing himself for leaving Gabriel sore and unhappy even if it was at Gabriel’s own urging, that they were any less intimate or their relationship any less real or important because of the type of sex they had.

So, contrary to how these things were probably supposed to go, it was Gabriel who had first suggested there might be a problem and it was Mohinder who had found the prospect difficult to accept.

They had returned to Gabriel’s apartment one night, late after dinner and a movie. Mohinder was terrible at remembering plots or actors but he remembered vividly that the film had had some steamy love scenes and when he’d kissed Gabriel in the threshold, he remembered with perfect clarity that Gabriel had been as hard as a rock in the amount of time it took for their lips to meet. The last thing Mohinder had expected was for Gabriel to push him away and say, ‘We need to talk.’

Mohinder had trudged to sofa, the food he had eaten suddenly feeling leaden in his gut. He had felt his palms prickle with guilt and he immediately began to wonder whether Gabriel had glanced out his window and seen him lurking outside the week before, dripping with rainwater and contemplating their fate.

Had he spoken to Matt somehow, for some reason and Matt had given the game away or was Gabriel just being his usual, insightful self and broaching the subjects Mohinder was too cowardly to tackle himself? His body had run cold with anxiety. Mohinder hadn't been ready to have that talk if talking meant giving Gabriel up. They had still been in that first blush of romance, at that stage where breaking up hurt the most, before each other’s personal quirks began to irritate and before they had had enough petty arguments under their belts that they could string one up and martyr it as the root of their problems. Nothing was more painful than loving someone and having to leave them anyway.

‘Mohinder, I... God, this is difficult.’

It hadn't been a promising beginning and it had done nothing to put Mohinder’s mind at ease. He had steeled himself for the worst. ‘Just say it, Gabriel.’

‘The sex isn’t working. I’m so sorry, I’m trying, I really am but...’

Mohinder’s eyes had snapped up to Gabriel’s face and taken in his forlorn expression. It hadn’t been what Mohinder was expecting. He had been saddened and angry and affronted that with the myriad of sensible, sane reasons why they shouldn’t be seeing each other, Gabriel had decided to break up with him over the one aspect of their relationship that Mohinder felt was going well.

‘I see,’ he had said coolly, trying to stay calm. What he had really wanted to do was shake Gabriel and scream that if he was going to throw away what they had spent so much time building then the least he could do was blame something other than the sex when Mohinder could see his cock straining his jeans. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

‘Oh, God, no! Mohinder, come on. We both know this is about me, not you.’

Gabriel had seemed so relaxed. A little nervous perhaps but reflecting nothing like the conflicting mass of emotions that had been stoked in Mohinder’s chest. Had he been wrong, did he mean so little to Gabriel after all that he could be so callous in ending their relationship? ‘Because if this is about making love then, please, Gabriel, I’ve told you, being with you like that isn’t important to me.’

At that, Gabriel had looked hurt for the first time since they had seated themselves on that damnable sofa; the same sofa where they had first kissed, the same sofa where he had first held Gabriel as he came and where they had spent so many evenings holding each other close, kissing and rutting against each other sometimes, and other times just being together. Mohinder had had to stand and pace the room. He hadn't been able to simply sit and let this crumble around him.

‘That wasn’t what I meant, ok? I just mean that I love you and the sex is great and if you want to be with me like that then we can keep trying but if we never figure out how to make it work then that doesn’t bother me either.’ He had crouched in front of Gabriel, resting his hands over Gabriel’s where they covered his knees and stared up into his face, not caring that he was all but on his hands and knees begging.

‘If the sex is so great, Mohinder, then how come I can never last?’ Gabriel had pulled him up by his shoulders and sat him on the sofa beside him once more. ‘I know it’s awkward and you’ve been too kind to say anything, but Mohinder, teenagers going at in the back of their parents’ cars have more stamina than I do.’

‘It doesn’t matter--’ Mohinder had started but Gabriel had pressed his fingers to his lips and cut him off.

‘It matters to me,’ he had said softly. ‘I want it to be as good for you as it is for me and I thought... I don’t know what I thought, that it would go away? Or fix itself? But it hasn’t. And then yesterday at Mass, the visiting priest gave a sermon on how God helps those who help themselves...’ He had scoffed at little at the triteness of his own words, ‘and maybe it’s a cliché but it really was a sign, Mohinder.’

Mohinder’s mind had reeled, trying to follow Gabriel’s words and slowly realising that they weren’t breaking up at all.

‘I made a doctor’s appointment today. Not one of the Company doctors. I mean, they’ll find out anyway, they always do, but the longer it takes them to get this on my file... Anyway, I was wondering if you’d come with me? You don’t have to, if it’s weird for you, but they suggested I bring my partner and that’s you and...’ Gabriel had trailed off as he realised he’d started to babble. ‘It would mean a lot to me if you were there, Mohinder.’

‘Yes,’ Mohinder had said: one simple word that had had Gabriel smiling again and the tension gone. He had followed it with a kiss and then, caught up in a wave of euphoria that he and Gabriel were getting closer not being ripped apart like he had feared, Mohinder had kissed him again. He had pressed at Gabriel’s chest, stroking the firm muscle beneath his shirt and toppled them down to lie lengthways on the sofa. Gabriel had climaxed by the time his head had hit the seat cushions.

***

‘And how often would you say you masturbate, Mr Gray?’ The doctor had peered at them over the tops of his glasses as Gabriel had squirmed in his seat and gulped audibly. ‘Would you be more comfortable if Dr. Suresh stepped outside while we discuss this...?’

‘No! No,’ Gabriel had said, clinging more tightly to Mohinder’s hand. ‘It’s ok, we don’t have any secrets.’

The doctor had hummed neither a yes nor a no and Mohinder had been able to tell that he’d heard those words from many men before. There had been a brief, awkward pause, although in truth probably no more or less awkward than any other the others that had come before. It had just seemed that the awkwardness and general embarrassment of the situation compounded with every fresh question the doctor had asked until Mohinder had been certain that no cure or treatment was worth this kind of torture.

‘Um, once a day I guess,’ Gabriel had mumbled. The doctor had raised his eyebrows sceptically but Mohinder wasn’t sure if he had deemed the number too high or too low. Gabriel cleared his throat. ‘Maybe... maybe two or three times if I’m not seeing Mohinder.’ The doctor had nodded and made a note while Mohinder had been the one to blush at Gabriel’s confession.

***

Later that same week they had met outside Mohinder’s lab in the early afternoon. Gabriel had been running late and Mohinder had paced up and down the sidewalk, tossing his keys in his hands and trying not to fret that something had happened to Gabriel.

Gabriel had taken the day off work, Mohinder had known, so if it had been the Company slowing him down, it meant they’d picked him up on a personal day and that couldn’t be good. Before Mohinder’s imagination had been able to run to the worst, Gabriel dead in a gutter somewhere, Gabriel had rounded the corner in a full suit and tie.

‘Sorry, I’m late,’ he’d said breathlessly, grabbing Mohinder’s hand and hailing a taxi.

‘It’s ok.’ Mohinder had tugged at his tie and pulled him down for a kiss, not caring that he was rumpling Gabriel’s perfectly pressed jacket or dishevelling his pristine hair. Mohinder preferred him looking a little unkempt. ‘Aren’t you awfully dressed up for a doctor’s appointment?’

‘Probably,’ Gabriel had said as he loosened his tie and gave the taxi driver directions. ‘But it’s just right for church. Needed to get a little positive reinforcement in case things don’t go that well today.’

Gabriel tried to smile but Mohinder could see how nervous he was, pulling at his clothes and his hair. It had taken Mohinder a while to accept that the mannerisms he had associated so vividly with Zane Taylor hadn’t been a complete affectation. Gabriel was just as prone to fidgeting when he was uncomfortable as Zane had been.

‘Everything is going to be fine,’ he’d insisted. ‘No matter what they say, we’ll be ok. I love you.’

‘I know.’ And then Gabriel’s smile had been genuine. ‘I love you too.’

***

The doctor had been a kindly man in his late fifties with a shock of bright white hair and a round face with baby smooth skin. He had been the sort of fellow that Mohinder expected to see out grocery shopping with his grandchildren, testing melons in the produce section to see if they were ripe or playing chess in the park with the retirees. There could be nothing more uncomfortable, Mohinder still maintained, than having to listen to such a man say words like penis and oral sex, no matter how clinical or matter of fact his tone might have been.

Mohinder hadn’t been sure where Gabriel had found the doctor. He doubted that Gabriel had picked someone at random from the phonebook but at the same time, it was too mortifying to consider the alternative: that Gabriel had asked Noah Bennet for advice. It had been early November when they had had their first appointment and Mohinder had been dreading spending Thanksgiving at the Bennet household enough without the added worry that Gabriel had shared too much about their sex life with his partner. But, wherever Gabriel had been referred from, it had been sound advice.

The doctor’s office had been up market and discreet. The staff had been pleasant and cordial, and the magazines in the waiting room had even been current. When Mohinder had been guided to the examination room to meet Gabriel after the physical aspects of the appointment had been completed, the young nurse had chatted reassuringly about sports and the weather as she had led him by the elbow. There had been nothing in her demeanour to suggest she was secretly laughing at them behind their backs, something that Mohinder had found himself strangely afraid of as he counted the passing minutes, alone in the waiting room.

‘Dr. Suresh, come in, sit down.’ The doctor’s voice had been booming and hearty as if he followed his own advice and went for bracing, long walks every evening and went to bed early, only to rise at the crack of dawn. Mohinder hadn’t been sure whether to be comforted that they were seeing a doctor so obviously in the prime of health for his age or to be offended, as if the doctor’s own health were a slap in the face to those who came to see him.

‘Now, you two are here to see me because Mr Gray is having trouble with premature ejaculation?’

They had nodded in concert. Their hands had found each other and they had glanced at one another shyly as their fingers entwined, hands swinging together in the space between their seats.

‘Let’s start with some easy questions, shall we? How long have you two been together?’

Mohinder had said, ‘Three months,’ as Gabriel had said, ‘Six years.’ They had blustered, talking over each other for a few moments while the doctor had looked at them quizzically and made a note on his chart.

‘We’ve only been “together together” for three months, but we’ve known each other for six years,’ Gabriel had eventually explained.

That had been the first blush and the first uncomfortable pause of what would eventually seem to be an interminable embarrassing silence. Mohinder had found he was only half listening to the invasive questions that the doctor refused to let Gabriel dodge: how long had this been a problem? The whole three months. Had Gabriel had this problem before? Gabriel had stuttered as he shyly admitted that he hadn’t been with anyone before Mohinder and Mohinder had tried to keep the shock from his face. When the doctor had glanced at him and narrowed his eyes, making yet another note that Mohinder wasn’t privy to, Mohinder had felt sure he hadn’t been fooled. How quickly exactly did Gabriel ejaculate? Less than thirty seconds. And what triggered his orgasm? Kissing? Heavy petting? Anything and everything.

On and on, the questions had come in an unrelenting stream that seemed to leave no aspect of their sex life private. What positions did they engage in? Yes to mutual masturbation; yes to oral; no to anal, amended to, ‘Well, we tried a couple of times. It never works out.’ Did that bother Gabriel? Yes. How exactly did it not “work out”? But, even as Gabriel had struggled to find the words to explain to the doctor when, where and how they did or didn’t make love, Mohinder’s mind had still been tripping over that first ‘easy’ question.

Did Gabriel really think their relationship dated back to that first fateful day in Virginia Beach? Could Gabriel really count the hours he had spent speaking to Mohinder from behind two facades, that of Sylar and Zane, towards the time that they had been together? Mohinder hadn’t been sure what to make of it then and he still wasn’t sure. It had been filed away as yet another topic that Mohinder couldn’t bear to face because the idea that Gabriel didn’t see the importance of the distinction between who they had been then and who they were now was too heartbreaking to consider. Heartbreaking because it would mean that even as they sat together enduring one of the most uncomfortable hours of Mohinder’s life, trusting each other and being vulnerable, Gabriel wasn’t the man who Mohinder thought he was, the man, he had argued so vehemently to Matt, who deserved a second chance.

***

‘And when you masturbate, do you find you ejaculate prematurely?’

‘No’

‘No?’ For once the doctor’s pen had hovered above the chart without making a mark.

‘No,’ Gabriel had confirmed, sounding a little less certain under the doctor’s piercing gaze.

‘How long would you say it takes, typically, for you to reach orgasm while masturbating? Less than a minute? A few minutes? Longer?’

‘A few minutes.’ Gabriel had shifted in his seat, curling his body away from Mohinder’s while simultaneously holding his hand tighter until his nails were digging into the backs of Mohinder’s knuckles. ‘But, I can, y’know, draw it out. If I’m in the mood,’ he added quietly, blushing fiercely.

The doctor had hesitated a moment, as if about to say something further but in the end had merely made one more note on his chart and placed his pen on the table. He had smiled broadly at them and shuffled his papers, taking a sip of water before he spoke with such a glint in his eye that to this day Mohinder felt sure he had taken some enjoyment in drawing out their suspense.

‘That’s very encouraging, Mr Gray’

‘It is?’ Gabriel had smiled, genuinely, for the first time since Mohinder had set foot into the office, and had brought Mohinder’s hand to his lips and kissing his knuckles over the reddening half-moon marks left by his nails.

‘It is. Now, I’m not saying progress will be easy or overnight, and I can only give a definite answer once we have the results of your blood work back, but at first glance there doesn’t seem to be anything physically wrong with you.’

Gabriel’s smile faltered a little. It had been bittersweet news, Mohinder had known, because he had felt his own joy being tempered with the doctor’s words. No ailment might seem encouraging but what if all that really meant was, ‘I don’t know why you are like you are and there’s nothing I can do to help you’? Mohinder hadn’t been sure what he was expecting but at that moment he realised a part of him had been hoping that the doctor would produce a pill that would fix it all: increase Gabriel’s stamina, take away Mohinder’s fears and doubts, transport them somewhere where there past didn’t exist and their future wasn’t so uncertain.

‘I’ll leave you with these.’ The doctor had handed them both leaflets, _Dealing with premature ejaculation_ and _Helping your partner deal with premature ejaculation_ respectively, and a sample box of medicated condoms. ‘But this sounds like a simple case of inexperience and overexcitement, and in all my years helping couples through this my best advice is to just take your time and relax. It takes some people a bit longer to get the hang of sex than others, Mr Gray, and if you let yourself worry about it, you’ll create a self-fulfilling prophecy. To start, I would suggest you try masturbating more often, in particular, right before you two go on a date or better still, just take a few minutes to yourself before you have sex. It’ll relax you and help decrease your sensitivity. If it’s not too uncomfortable,’ he had added, glancing between them, ‘you could try masturbating together. Nobody knows our bodies better than ourselves and Dr. Suresh, you might find that watching Mr Gray touch himself will give you some tips where and where not to place your hands to help him last longer.’

Mohinder had struggled to try to remember everything, going so far as to reach down to his messenger bag for a pen to jot some notes on the back of the leaflet before recalling Gabriel’s eidetic memory. At the end of their appointment the doctor had handed them each a business card for a psychologist that he recommended. ‘Because this can be a slow and stressful process, for both of you. There’s no shame in needing someone to talk to.’

***

‘Don’t look so sad,’ he’d said when they got back to Gabriel’s apartment.

Neither had felt like returning to work after seeing the doctor and they’d taken the subway back, Gabriel all the while quiet and introspective. Mohinder had left him to his thoughts, the noise of the train on the tracks and the people crowding around them had been too loud for them to talk anyway.

Mohinder had slipped one of the pamphlets between the pages of a genetics book and used the hardback cover to conceal what it was that he had been reading. He had been engrossed in studying the pictures, all depicting a man and a woman, naturally, and tried to imagine himself in the place of the line-drawn woman. Facts, figures, statistics, the more Mohinder had learnt the more confident he had felt that he and Gabriel could get through this. But he had been able to see that Gabriel wasn’t as certain. Gabriel, blessed and cursed with intuitive aptitude, hadn’t ever needed to _learn_ anything, he had simply understood. But locking away the hunger necessitated that he lock away his power too. Mohinder had wondered, and still did, if much of Gabriel’s problem stemmed from the unfamiliar need to learn from experience.

‘I’m not sad,’ Gabriel had replied. ‘I’m just thinking.’

‘About things that are making you look sad?’

‘No. About... It just seems like it’s going to take a long time to get better, that’s all.’

‘Hey.’ Mohinder had grabbed Gabriel by the shoulders and stopped him midstride as he paced the room. ‘I’m not going anywhere, ok? We can take all the time we need.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Mohinder had kissed him quickly and then dragged him by the hand into the bedroom. ‘But that doesn’t mean we can’t start working on it right now.’

They had closed the curtains against the afternoon sun and undressed themselves slowly, suddenly bashful about being nude when they had been so naked, emotionally, earlier. Mohinder had finished stripping first and sat on the bed, not quite watching Gabriel but not looking away. Gabriel's hands had hesitated at his fly for a moment before he pulled his trousers open and down. He had sat beside Mohinder, exhaling a long breath and laughing as he took Mohinder’s hand in his own. ‘So what’s more awkward, this or sitting in that doctor’s office?’

Mohinder had laughed too, following it with a kiss and pushing Gabriel down onto the bed.

‘Do you want to try this?’ Mohinder had asked, wrapping his hand around his own half-hard cock and pumping it slowly. Gabriel had closed his eyes tightly, grasping himself around his base and squeezing.

Gabriel had stroked himself gently and at a rhythmic pace completely at odds with the frenetic way he usually bucked himself in and out of Mohinder’s fist. He had whispered Mohinder’s name as Mohinder kissed at his neck and shoulders, lapping up the film of sweat that shimmered on his skin. Mohinder’s own hand had sped up, overcome with the erotic sight before him. Gabriel’s hips had rolled, his fingers clenching and relaxing in the sheet at his side with every slide of his palm. He chewed at the inside of his lip and Mohinder had known Gabriel was trying to hold back but Gabriel’s eyes had kept fluttering open, equally unable to tear his gaze from Mohinder. Soon, holding back hadn’t been an option.

Mohinder had kissed him, moaning into his mouth at the way Gabriel’s lips parted instantly for his tongue and the way his head had lifted from the bed to push them closer together, deepening their kiss. Their chests had pressed together, heaving up and down in time to the pant of their breaths. Hard nipples had rubbed over taut, firm chests and then Mohinder’s hand had been on Gabriel’s cock and Gabriel’s had been on his.

They had touched each other more hastily than they had touched themselves, each jerking their hips back and forth to speed up the hand on their erections. Gabriel had come in no time at all, shuddering beneath him and crying out into his mouth. Mohinder had stroked him through it, biting at his mouth when he felt the hot splatter of spunk on his chest and stomach. Gabriel had kept caressing him, his wrist working quicker and quicker until Mohinder’s soiled hand had clamped down over his to hold him still. And then, Mohinder had come too, thrusting into Gabriel’s fist and murmuring his name.

‘I don’t think we did that right,’ Gabriel had muttered lazily as he played with Mohinder’s hair and surveyed the mess of semen adorning their skin.

‘It felt right to me.’

‘We were meant to keep our hands to ourselves.’

‘Ah. Then we didn’t do it right,’ Mohinder agreed. He had flipped them over so that Gabriel’s head could rest on his chest. Gabriel’s fingers had traced idly through the drying come on Mohinder’s stomach and Mohinder had watched, fascinated, as he trailed his sticky fingertips up Mohinder’s chest. Then he had tweaked Mohinder’s nipple cheekily with his soiled fingers and had kissed him possessively. ‘I guess that means we’ll have to try again.’

***


	5. Chapter 5

***

Mohinder splashed his face with cold water once more and took the glass tumblers that their toothbrushes sat in, rinsing them out and filling them again to the brim. He hadn’t really believed the doctor when he had said that all they needed to do was give it some time and relax, but he had been right. Night to night, though, helping Gabriel alternately give in to his lust with heady, frantic sex and teasing out his arousal with careful, calculated movements, all the while being bombarded with Gabriel’s self-doubt and his own insecurities, it was difficult to keep the bigger picture in mind.

When Mohinder returned to the bedroom, Gabriel had stripped down to his boxers and lay above the covers, hands restlessly playing over his stomach. Mohinder leaned against the doorjamb and took the opportunity to openly stare while Gabriel was still lost in his thoughts. He was frowning, and Mohinder knew that he was still dwelling on punishment and sin. Mohinder's heart ached to know that the best he could hope for was to distract Gabriel from himself. Mohinder didn’t have the answers to the questions that continually plagued him and he doubted that, even with all the time eternity had to offer, Gabriel would ever find what he needed to truly put his mind at ease. Mohinder drew in a shuddery breath at the thought. Gabriel’s wide, brown eyes met his and they smiled weakly at each other.

‘Hi.’

‘Hi,’ Mohinder replied. He pushed himself away from the wall and made a conscious effort to put aside thoughts of faith and absolution.

He climbed onto the bed and handed Gabriel his glass of water. They sat in silence for a while, propped up against the headboard, drinking the cool water. It was peaceful, sometimes, to just be together. They didn’t need to speak to know the squall had passed. It didn’t feel, like it could, Mohinder knew from past relationships, that without conversation they were stuck in their own personal purgatory; an endless, frigid pause until they could throw themselves back into the melee of touch and taste and feel. It seemed to mean so much more that they could be comfortable when things were still and quiet. Gabriel’s hand slipped into his and they put their drinks aside.

Mohinder parted his lips when Gabriel leaned in to kiss him, tongue gentle as it lazily rubbed against Mohinder’s own. They kissed until the chill from the water was gone from their mouths. When they broke apart, they kept their lips resting together and breathed into one another’s mouths, disinclined to pull away. Mohinder ran his hand through Gabriel’s hair and smiled at Gabriel’s moan when it tickled his mouth. They shifted down the bed so that they were lying pressed against each other, and, against his hip, Mohinder could feel the damp spot on Gabriel’s boxers where pre-come was already leaking from his hot, stiff cock.

‘What do you want to do?’ Mohinder asked. Gabriel shut his eyes for a moment and Mohinder waited, dropping feather light kisses to Gabriel’s neck and shoulders as the other man considered his options.

There was a part of Mohinder that wanted badly to simply reach between them, slip his hand under the elastic of Gabriel’s underwear and stroke him off with a quick twist of his wrist. But for all Gabriel’s self-recrimination, they had come so far tonight and it seemed beyond selfish, almost cruel, to sabotage what Gabriel so desperately wanted out of something as petty as impatience. Mohinder would be content to keep trying tonight for as long as Gabriel needed and some other time, tomorrow or next week, he knew that Gabriel would happily agree to do things the way that Mohinder preferred: quick and messy and breathless.

‘I want you to make love to me,’ Gabriel whispered in his ear. Mohinder nodded and kissed him gently, moaning in reply, ‘I want that too.’

Reluctantly, they pulled apart and slipped under the covers. Mohinder wriggled out of his jeans and boxer-briefs, careful to keep himself modestly concealed beneath the blankets. Beside him, he could feel the bed shift as Gabriel lifted his hips to remove his underwear too. Mohinder couldn’t resist turning towards him and covering Gabriel’s hands with his own to help.

Gabriel's boxers were already around his thighs. The crotch of the material was damp with his sweat and arousal as Mohinder ghosted his fingers over the bunched cotton. Gabriel hesitated for a moment, but when Mohinder’s hands stayed over his, not reaching up between his legs, he relaxed and allowed Mohinder to pull his underwear off and away. Mohinder brought the warm fabric to his face quickly, inhaling Gabriel’s rich and musky scent instead of pressing his nose and lips to Gabriel’s groin like he ached to do. Gabriel watched him, a small smile playing across his lips before gently pulling the material from Mohinder's hands, pressing a bottle of lube into Mohinder’s palm in its place.

‘Turn over,’ Mohinder instructed, holding his breath in anticipation as he watched Gabriel rise up on his hands and knees.

‘Quickly,’ Gabriel muttered. He pressed his face to the pillows, biting lightly on his forearm as he listened to Mohinder slicking his fingers.

Mohinder shushed him. He ran his hand up and down Gabriel’s spine, trying to ease the tense muscles of his back as he lightly teased his fingers along the crease of Gabriel’s ass. He located his entrance and rubbed his fingertips wetly around him, feeling the tight, puckered flesh as it twitched under his touch. Mohinder couldn’t see Gabriel’s face but he could picture his expression, eyebrows furrowed and his eyes squeezed shut in concentration. The tension in his back told Mohinder he was only barely holding himself in check.

‘Mohinder, please,’ Gabriel begged.

Mohinder merely leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his left asscheek, one hand still firmly massaging his back and the other rolling his fingers around and over his asshole. Gabriel’s legs quivered and Mohinder could hear him try to stifle a moan in the pillows. He shifted his hand from Gabriel’s back around to his stomach, rubbing low on his belly. Mohinder kept kissing the swell of Gabriel’s ass and in the hollow at the base of his spine, nipping lightly at his pale skin. He dipped the tip of one finger inside but Gabriel was still tense and making this more difficult than it needed to be.

‘Mohinder, please. I can feel it; I’m getting close.’

‘Shh, Gabriel, I know. But you need to relax for me, ok? Please, everything’s fine. Just relax.’

Mohinder kept petting Gabriel’s abdomen, carding his fingers through the dark, coarse hair on his stomach and pressing at his tightened muscles. He could hear Gabriel breathing deeply and when he glanced up, he could see Gabriel’s hands, clenched, white-knuckled, into the sheets.

Slowly, Gabriel's body started to relax and Mohinder slid his finger in deeper. He twisted it around, slicking Gabriel’s passage. He crooked his finger, not yet deep enough to brush his prostate, and used the arch of his knuckle to steadily spread Gabriel open. Gabriel pushed back into the touch, his knees sliding on the sheets until his thighs were spread wide and his back curved to lift his ass closer to Mohinder’s lips and hands. Mohinder eased another finger in beside the first and Gabriel’s hand darted backwards between his legs. Mohinder was quicker though and caught him by his wrist, gently pushing him away.

Mohinder took his hand from the flat plane of Gabriel’s stomach and enclosed the root of his cock between the tight ring of his thumb and forefinger. Gabriel slapped the mattress and cursed, trying to buck hips between Mohinder’s hands, but Mohinder bit at his ass warningly, without a free hand to hold him still.

‘Gabriel,’ he said. He tried to keep the condemnation from his voice. If Gabriel had changed his mind, if he was veering too close to the edge of his orgasm and wanted Mohinder to get him off like this, jerking him off and fucking his ass with his fingers, then that was fine. But they needed to communicate. Gabriel would only be sullen if Mohinder let him give in to his arousal at a point when his body and his mind weren’t yet in collusion.

‘I’m sorry... I just... _Fuck_, that feels good.’

‘Yeah,’ Mohinder agreed. ‘Yeah, it does. We can just do this,’ he added, fingers separating inside Gabriel’s ass, opening him up and slipping more easily in and out of him. ‘If you want?’

Mohinder kissed over the reddened bite mark that was quickly fading on Gabriel’s smooth skin, twisting his fingers and ghosting a third along the outer rim of his hole. Gabriel grunted into the pillows, pushing back quickly once more before stilling himself. ‘No. I want _you_.’

‘Alright.’ Mohinder squeezed the base of Gabriel’s dick more tightly, trying to ignore the whimpers and moans his vice-like grip elicited.

He pulled his fingers from Gabriel’s body and wavered for a second with the open lube bottle before positioning it awkwardly between his knees. He pressed his legs together, catching the slick gel sloppily on his fingers as it spurted out, sighing as he inadvertently caught his own balls in the hot press of his thighs. It felt good and it only reminded Mohinder how little Gabriel had been able to touch him thus far tonight; how hot, aching and full his cock was as it stood erect and glistening, begging to be caressed.

Mohinder squeezed his legs again, feeling the ripple of muscle against his sac, barely noticing the second, messier dribble of lube from the bottle still held between his knees. Biting his lip guiltily, Mohinder brought his wet fingers up and cupped his balls properly, groping himself and tugging lightly, pulling a groan from his own throat. Gabriel moaned in return and it was enough to bring Mohinder’s concentration back.

Mohinder used his thumb to hastily work the fresh lube over his skin, between and around his fingers, before resting all three at Gabriel’s entrance. He felt Gabriel’s pucker twitch, clenching slightly in anticipation and then relaxing beautifully as Mohinder stroked him. Sweat beaded on Gabriel’s long, lean back and his pale skin was flushed with his arousal, pinkness seeping from the base of his skull, down the back of his neck and tingeing the top of his shoulders.

Gabriel had turned his face to the side and Mohinder’s mental picture had been correct. There was a deep frown line at the centre of his forehead and the aroused grimace on Gabriel’s face was a sight that made the base of Mohinder’s cock throb with want. Mohinder pressed his fingers firmly inside, holding his hand rigid as he plunged as deep as he dared, avoiding Gabriel’s prostate at all costs. But even so, Gabriel’s whole body jerked and then his hand was on Mohinder’s wrist as he cried out in pleasure and frustration.

Mohinder could feel Gabriel’s dick pulse between his fingers and he brought his hand up, wrapping his fingers fully around his shaft, pumping him quickly through his orgasm. Mohinder curled the fingers inside Gabriel’s ass, twisting around until Gabriel moaned and he stroked over Gabriel’s prostate, massaging him there to prolong his climax. Mohinder's palm was covered in Gabriel’s thick spunk as Gabriel began to soften in his grip. Mohinder continued to caress him until he rolled his hips forward and away from his touch. Mohinder eased his fingers from Gabriel’s ass, inching out slowly so as not to hurt him while he absently lapped at his other soiled hand.

Although he was expecting it, Mohinder still flinched when Gabriel struck the headboard with the flat of his hand and swore in frustration through gritted teeth.

He wiped his hands on the sheets and let Gabriel seethe for a moment, face first in the pillows with his ass still swaying temptingly in front of Mohinder’s nose. He gripped Gabriel by the hips and urged him to flip over. Mohinder kissed him before he could apologise. He pressed deeper into the kiss when Gabriel’s hands latched to his shoulders, faltering between pulling him closer and pushing him away. Mohinder stroked Gabriel’s hair and over his broad chest. He licked at Gabriel’s teeth and rubbed his tongue against Gabriel’s own until he was certain Gabriel could taste the traces of himself that Mohinder had eagerly lapped up from his fingers. He felt Gabriel exhale hotly through his nose, a stream of air rushing over his cheek but Mohinder refused to break away until he felt Gabriel begin to relax beneath him.

Mohinder pulled back slowly, dipping back and pecking his lips again when it looked like Gabriel was going to speak. He did it again and again, growing more enthusiastic and dropping wet kisses over his cheeks and chin and jaw, liking the scratch of Gabriel’s stubble against his lips. Finally, Gabriel laughed and squirmed away, wiping his face as Mohinder’s assault turned to his hands and wrists, working down over his neck and shoulders. At his collarbone, Mohinder added teeth, nipping lightly from the centre of Gabriel’s chest to the outer crest of the bone and back again, flicking his tongue into the hollow of his throat when he reached his starting point once more.

Gabriel sighed and Mohinder rose up on his elbows so that their eyes could meet. ‘You look so fucking sexy when you come.’ He punctuated his words with kisses along Gabriel’s jaw. ‘Did you know that?’ he asked, pressing his lips against Gabriel’s ear. His voice came out in a whisper husky enough to betrayed exactly how turned on Mohinder was.

‘Mohinder, don’t...’ Gabriel moaned. Mohinder kissed across his face, licking a hot stripe over Gabriel’s lips when he reached them and then resuming the kisses until he reached Gabriel’s other ear. ‘Don’t what, Gabriel? Don’t tell you how gorgeous you are? Don’t tell you how fucking hard it makes me to watch you lose control, to know that I’m that one that does that to you? Don’t tell you how much I love you and how much I want you?’

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment in silence then shook his head and turned away with a grunt. ‘Just don’t.’

Mohinder pulled back and studied Gabriel's face, chest feeling tight at the unhappiness in his voice and expression. He ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, brushing it back from his eyes and massaging his scalp as he went. He cupped Gabriel’s jaw and tugged him around to face him again. This time his kiss was gentle, lips moving tenderly against Gabriel’s mouth, tongue barely sliding along the seam of his lips.

‘I love you, Gabriel,’ Mohinder said into Gabriel’s mouth, resting their foreheads together so that he could gaze deeply into Gabriel’s eyes. He held his palm over Gabriel’s heart, feeling the steady beat inside his chest as he spoke. ‘And I’m not mad at you. Please don’t be angry with yourself.’

‘I love you too,’ Gabriel breathed in reply. His arms wrapped around Mohinder and Mohinder let himself be pulled down into a tight embrace. He settled himself on Gabriel’s chest, tucking his nose under Gabriel’s chin and tracing idle patterns across his shoulder as Gabriel held him.

Mohinder couldn’t be sure how long they laid there. It was warm pressed against Gabriel’s body and even the throb of his dick, pressed flat against his stomach between them, couldn’t distract him from how safe he felt enclosed in Gabriel’s arms. He started to kiss lightly at Gabriel’s neck, working his lips over the same patch of skin repeatedly, all that he could reach. Eventually, Gabriel’s embrace loosened and Mohinder twisted a little, widening the range of his kisses, still keeping them light and gentle, tentative enough that Gabriel would know Mohinder would stop at the slightest suggestion that he was making him uncomfortable. Instead, Gabriel kneaded his back, skimming his palms down his sides until Mohinder shivered at the touch.

‘Let me clean you?’ Mohinder mumbled into Gabriel’s neck. He felt Gabriel nod and when he hovered over him to confirm that Gabriel was ok with what he wanted to do, he saw a small smile playing across Gabriel’s lips. He buried a hand in Mohinder’s hair, tangling his fingers in his thick curls and pulled him down for a kiss. He spread his legs and with one hand on Mohinder’s hips, nudged Mohinder to settle between them.

‘May I?’ Mohinder asked again as they broke apart. He smoothed his palms over Gabriel’s chest, teasing the hair at the centre with his fingertips. ‘If you like,’ Gabriel replied.

Mohinder rose up on his knees, pushing the blankets away from their bodies and openly gawking at Gabriel splayed out beneath him. He loved Gabriel like this, muscles slack from his release and his expression finally serene as he tried to relax and will away his embarrassment.

So soon after his climax, there were no limits on where or how or for how long Mohinder was permitted to touch him and Mohinder took full advantage whenever he could. He liked to start by simply looking, revelling in the opportunity to stare instead of sneaking sidelong glances out of the corners of his eyes. His gaze was immediately drawn, as it always was, to the contrast of Gabriel’s dark hair on his too-white skin. He followed the thick line from the centre of his chest, down over his navel and lower, licking his lips at the thatch of curls in Gabriel’s groin and the sight of his cock, lying limp, still glistening with his semen.

With his hands on Gabriel’s knees, he parted Gabriel’s legs further, ruffling the hair on his legs as he skated his palms up Gabriel’s inner thighs. He skipped over Gabriel’s crotch and settled his hands on his narrow hips, feeling the curve of the bone and sliding his thumbs along the grooves of his iliac crest. Mohinder skimmed his hands over stomach muscles that were flat, soft and yielding and up over Gabriel's ribs. He wasn’t gaunt enough for them to show, but Mohinder could feel the hardness of the bones under Gabriel’s skin until, as his palms moved higher, they began to be buried under the firm muscle of his chest.

Mohinder thumbed Gabriel’s nipples and twisted his fingertips in his coarse chest hair. He traced his clavicles and caressed everywhere that his lips and teeth had been before. He placed his palms flat on either side of Gabriel’s neck and kissed him deeply, letting his body lie completely over Gabriel’s and ground down into him. He could feel the sticky trail he was leaving on Gabriel’s stomach as his leaking cock stuttered between their skin and he moaned happily when Gabriel cupped his ass and pushed him down harder, increasing the delicious friction around his dick.

That wasn’t what he wanted though, not yet at least, and he pulled himself away with a groan, hoping against hope that Gabriel didn’t resent him for this display of self-control. His eyes flickered hesitantly to Gabriel’s face but he was smiling peacefully under the attention and the hand on Mohinder’s ass relaxed its grip to let Mohinder wriggle down Gabriel body, pressing kisses to his skin in his wake.

At Gabriel’s stomach, Mohinder paused. He licked up the fresh smears of pre-come he had left on Gabriel’s skin, rolling his own salty taste in his mouth and keeping his eyes trained on Gabriel’s expression as he lifted his head to watch. Then, sucking on Gabriel’s flesh, Mohinder moved on to the cooler, tackier splatters of Gabriel’s spunk and used his teeth and lips to clean every droplet from Gabriel’s torso. He could feel Gabriel’s flaccid cock pressing warmly into him, low on his chest and he could feel the way that Gabriel’s hips were rocking slightly; heard him sighing softly every time he pulled back. So Mohinder worked a little quicker, kissing, licking and lapping over and down Gabriel’s abdomen until his skin was damp with spit and Mohinder’s tongue was coated with Gabriel’s bitter taste.

‘So good,’ he moaned, mouthing down to the edge of Gabriel’s pubic hair and running the tip of his nose against it. He rubbed his cheek against the coarse curls, smiling to himself when he felt the hair catch on his stubble. Mohinder inhaled deeply, nostrils flooded with the rich and musky scent so uniquely Gabriel. He pressed at Gabriel’s inner thighs to gain access to the crease where his thigh met his groin and licked a quick, wet stripe along the soft skin there, repeating the motion on the other side.

There were specks of come dotted around that he ached to collect on his tongue but he knew from past experience that Gabriel got self-conscious when he did so, blushing fiercely if Mohinder stopped to fish a hair from the back of his throat or behind his teeth. Gabriel preferred Mohinder’s smoother, more hairless body and never seemed to understand how violently his own form, so different from Mohinder’s, turned Mohinder on.

Mohinder settled for carding his fingers through the thick hair, brushing through the wet spots, intending to suck his fingers clean later. He swept his mouth over Gabriel’s balls, pushing the soft skin lightly with his tongue and then pulled back to check the expression in Gabriel’s eyes, wanting ensure he wasn’t still too sensitive for this kind of attention.

Gabriel was no longer watching him, his head pressed back against the pillows as his hips undulated gently under Mohinder’s ministrations. When Mohinder paused, Gabriel's hand came up to stroke his hair and down the side of Mohinder’s face. Mohinder nuzzled against his palm then returned his lips to Gabriel’s sac, sucking tenderly on the wrinkled skin between his balls. He lapped at the head of Gabriel’s limp cock, laving up all the remaining stickiness. He ran the flat of his tongue along the velvety skin of Gabriel’s dick, licking long, slow swathes from his tip to his root. With every lick his tongue grew drier, catching more frequently on the uneven skin of Gabriel’s soft cock and producing a stop-start friction that had Gabriel moaning above him.

Finally satisfied that he had cleaned all of the semen from Gabriel’s body, Mohinder sucked his fingertips clean and then grasped Gabriel’s penis gently and placed it between his lips. He ducked his head and took more of Gabriel into his mouth, using his lips to pull him in deeper. Mohinder used his tongue to lift Gabriel’s yielding flesh and press it against the roof of his mouth. He suckled softly, sighing around Gabriel’s dick and watching as the breath he huffed out dishevelled the hairs clustered around his base.

Mohinder had come to love this. It was rare that he got a chance to suck Gabriel off and when he did, it was a quick and messy affair in which he had little opportunity to do anything but clamp his lips around Gabriel’s thickness and swallow rapidly as Gabriel shot hotly against the back of his throat. Licking him clean, nuzzling against his flaccid cock and sucking on the soft and pliant flesh had become the next best thing. It satisfied Mohinder's desire to bury himself in Gabriel’s groin, almost overwhelmed by his scent and the tactile sensations of coarse hair and too soft skin. Without the constant worry that anything he did or said would set Gabriel off, Mohinder was free to explore leisurely. While he sometimes wished he could have Gabriel erect within his mouth for longer, missing the warm pulse of a rigid shaft against his tongue, Mohinder was content in the knowledge, gleaned from Gabriel’s moans and his rocking hips, that Gabriel enjoyed this too.

The longer he mouthed at Gabriel’s groin, however, the more insistent the ache in his own cock became. Mohinder closed his eyes and sheepishly rubbed himself against the sheets, moaning against Gabriel at the light friction along the length of his dick. He tried to be satisfied with just one half-hearted thrust but the tease he had given himself only made him pulse harder and stoked the burning heat of desire in his gut. So he thrust again and then again until his mouth fell from Gabriel’s length and he groaned, resting his cheek on Gabriel’s thigh as he shamelessly humped the mattress.

Gabriel gripped him by the shoulders and Mohinder slowed his movements, opening his eyes to see Gabriel’s cock half-hard and growing. ‘It’s time,’ Gabriel whispered.

Mohinder crawled quickly up his body, pressing sloppy, hasty kisses into his skin. He fumbled for a condom on the bedside table as Gabriel flipped them over, kissing Mohinder deeply and taking the silver package from his hands. ‘Let me,’ he said as he ripped the foil open with his teeth.

Mohinder watched as Gabriel gripped his cock and pumped it once, kissing the wet tip before holding him steady and rolling the condom on. Mohinder slicked himself and moved to lie between Gabriel’s thighs, but Gabriel pushed at his shoulders to keep him on his back. He straddled Mohinder, rising up on his knees, his dick not quite but nearly erect. Mohinder slipped two fingers, still slippery with lube, into Gabriel’s opening. He scissored them quickly, checking that Gabriel was still slack and loose enough to take him.

‘Wanna ride me?’ Mohinder asked as he curled his fingers, delving deeper than he should and brushing Gabriel’s prostate, his control and coordination shot with lust.

Gabriel jumped and his whole body tensed, his asshole clenching tightly around Mohinder’s twisting fingers. Mohinder saw Gabriel’s cock twitch, now utterly full and hard, a drop of pre-come dribbling from his slit. He held his breath, internally cursing himself for the slip of his hand, but Gabriel’s body slowly relaxed and lifted off his hand. Mohinder’s fingers trailed wetly along the yielding flesh of Gabriel’s perineum and stroked the back of his balls until he shuddered again and Mohinder took his hand away.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered.

‘S’ok,’ Gabriel replied, distracted, as he lowered himself onto Mohinder’s cock. Mohinder concentrated on pressing his ass hard against the bed, desperate to stop himself from arching up and ramming himself, balls deep, into the searing hot tightness of Gabriel’s ass.

It was only when they were actually fucking and Mohinder could feel the sensation of Gabriel’s walls around him, holding him in and fluttering against him, that Mohinder ever felt as if he missed penetrative sex. He always told Gabriel, truthfully, that he didn’t mind if they did other things instead; things that were more reciprocal than Mohinder simply ploughing into Gabriel’s body long after he had come, Gabriel's muscles tensing and his body bruising as the endorphins fled with his dissipating afterglow. Mohinder never liked to think he was hurting Gabriel.

Though Gabriel claimed he wanted Mohinder to be inside him when he had come too fast, too many times in a night, Mohinder could always see the flicker of pain across his face when Mohinder stretched him with his fingers and, in the face of it, Mohinder never had the will to follow through. He realised, as he wiped his slippery fingers on the sheets and gripped Gabriel by the hips, helping him to regulate the wanton buck and dip of his body, that what he missed wasn’t the heat or the tightness or the friction of the fuck but the look of ecstasy on Gabriel’s face at the feeling of Mohinder deep inside himself and the intimacy of feeling near overcome together.

Mohinder held Gabriel tightly. His biceps flexed, his muscles rippling as it took all his strength to slow Gabriel down to a sedate roll of his hips. It was excruciatingly pleasurable to make love this way: starting hard, frantic and fast and then stopping, pulling Gabriel back from the brink and inching them both back towards that exquisite edge. Before Gabriel, Mohinder might not have thought it worth the effort.

Mohinder had always been of the opinion that sex should be easy, driven by the rhythm his body wanted to set. But there was something more intimate about needing to know Gabriel’s every hot spot and personal erogenous zone; about knowing every little detail that turned him on and turned him off, cataloguing them, remembering them and deploying them strategically to ensure they both got what they needed, when they needed it. Sex might be more complicated now, but Mohinder found it had never been more satisfying.

‘Tell me when,’ Mohinder groaned, thrusting up shallowly. Gabriel nodded, his eyes already glazed over and his mouth hanging loose and open. Mohinder tangled his hand in Gabriel’s hair and pulled him down as he lifted himself up, meeting in the middle to kiss.

‘So close,’ Gabriel panted into his lips.

‘Yeah,’ was all Mohinder could manage as he released Gabriel’s hair and let him sit up once more, relaxing his grip on his hips so Gabriel could fuck himself in earnest on Mohinder’s cock.

He lasted longer this time, his earlier climax tempering the urgency of this one, but it was still astoundingly quick. He angled his hips and Mohinder grasped his cock tightly. Gabriel thrust three times, maybe four, into Mohinder’s fist, plunging himself down on Mohinder’s erection, brushing his prostate every time, and then he was coming. Gabriel's body convulsed sublimely around Mohinder’s dick, making him cry out until his voice was as hoarse as Gabriel’s. His semen spurted in hot, thick ribbons across Mohinder’s stomach and chest.

Gabriel fell forward onto his forearms, chest heaving as he panted shallowly, his sweaty hair falling into Mohinder’s face as he rubbed his cheek against Mohinder’s. Mohinder kissed him softly, stroking the back of his neck until he could feel Gabriel’s arms quivering on either side of him. Then, he rolled them over carefully, still buried deep inside Gabriel's ass.

He could see Gabriel wince a little as they moved and Mohinder knew he must have brushed his prostate again, too sensitive now to be stimulated further. ‘I’m sorry.’ Mohinder gasped as an aftershock ripped through Gabriel’s body and his asshole clenched around Mohinder’s throbbing cock. ‘Do you want me to pull out?’

‘No,’ Gabriel moaned, smiling at the dubious look Mohinder gave him and smoothing his fingertips over Mohinder's raised eyebrow. ‘I’m fine. Honestly. Just give me a second.’

Mohinder grunted his assent, distracting himself from the constricting warmth of Gabriel’s ass by sucking at the crook of his neck, biting kisses into his skin and watching as the red marks lingered for a long moment and then faded of their own accord. He tried to be patient but every passing second his balls felt heavier and tighter, and even the slightest flutter of Gabriel’s body sent infuriatingly teasing bolts of heat to the base of his dick and his tightening nipples. Whispering an apology into Gabriel’s skin, Mohinder started to move at a glacial pace. He pulled out marginally and pushed back in, rolling his hips in place more than really thrusting. Gabriel brought his knees up around Mohinder’s sides and thrust back against him, deepening the movements.

Mohinder kissed him and Gabriel's hand wandered between their bodies, tugging at Mohinder’s sac briefly before tracing over the base of his cock where it delved into his own ass. They both exhaled shuddery sighs at the touch until Mohinder took Gabriel’s hand in his own, and placed it on his hip instead to help guide him. ‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ Mohinder muttered as he let himself be led by Gabriel’s urgent hands and hips, speeding up and thrusting more forcefully. ‘Let me know if... oh, god, that’s so good... if you need me to stop.’

‘Fuck me,’ was Gabriel’s only reply, followed by a deep, throaty laugh as Mohinder’s thrusts stuttered, hips jerking erratically at the unexpectedly erotic words. ‘Come for me, Mohinder. I want to make you come too.’

‘Gabriel,’ he whimpered. His pace sped up, orgasm suddenly rushing towards him, unstoppable, as slid himself roughly in and out of Gabriel’s willing body. All the while, Gabriel moaned and gasped in pleasure, tugging on his cock. Mohinder knew that even Gabriel’s refractory period wasn’t that short and that he was likely spent for the night from two intense orgasms in such quick succession.

The knowledge that Gabriel was playing with himself for Mohinder’s enjoyment rather than to milk any further aftershocks from his body was sending Mohinder careening towards his climax. Gabriel muttered filthy words of encouragement, moaning back to Mohinder all the dirty, naughty things Mohinder liked to whisper in Gabriel's ears on those nights when when they let themselves get swept away in their desire for each other, paying no heed to if their frenetic groping meant Gabriel lasted thirty seconds or less.

‘Gabriel, I’m...’

‘Yes,’ Gabriel urged. He lifted his ass from the mattress and slammed himself up to meet Mohinder’s final, desperate thrusts, crying out almost as loudly as Mohinder when he felt Mohinder’s body convulse inside him as he came.

Mohinder’s arms gave out and he collapsed, chest heaving, on to Gabriel’s body. Their skin was drenched with sweat where they were pressed together and for a minute or so Mohinder couldn’t find the strength to move at all. He told himself that if he were really crushing Gabriel, then Gabriel was strong enough to roll them over. Mohinder let himself be selfish and sprawled over Gabriel’s toned body until he could catch his breath again.

Gabriel’s fingers threaded through his curls and he kissed the crown of Mohinder’s head as Mohinder played contentedly with Gabriel’s chest hair. ‘So good,’ Mohinder muttered and then, with a resigned sigh, he started to ease himself up.

‘No,’ Gabriel moaned, locking his legs around Mohinder’s waist and tugging him back down. ‘Not yet. Please.’

Mohinder looked down on him, drowsy, sated eyes meeting drowsy, sated eyes and smiled his assent. They snuggled together and kissed lazily, one of Mohinder’s arms trapped awkwardly between their bodies as he pinched the base of the condom around his softening cock.

Eventually, Mohinder slipped slickly from Gabriel’s body, trailing lube in his wake. The condom was starting to feel cold and unpleasant around him and this time when he moved to get up, Gabriel relaxed his hold with a reluctant sigh. ‘I’ll be right back,’ Mohinder promised, darting to the bathroom as quickly as his exhausted body would permit and collecting what he needed to clean them up.

Gabriel’s eyes were closed by the time he returned. Mohinder cleaned himself as he stood at the side of the bed, mesmerised by the gentle, rhythmic rise and fall of Gabriel’s chest and the twitch in his left leg as he shifted in his sleep. Mohinder crawled carefully onto the mattress, not wanting to cause a disturbance and tenderly rubbed him down. Gabriel’s legs were still spread and Mohinder settled between them, taking his time as he sleepily wiped Gabriel clean.

He worked the lube and semen from his stomach and groin, soothing Gabriel's reddened asshole and meticulously collecting every drop of come from the nest of pubic hair between his legs. Mohinder kissed Gabriel’s thighs softly as he worked. He had always enjoyed the lazy, slow tasks that followed after sex, much preferring to bask in his afterglow doing intimate things like this than to fall asleep straight away and wake, sticky and uncomfortable. Mohinder didn’t mind that Gabriel was starting to snore. It only meant he could work at his own pace without Gabriel tugging at his shoulders and hurrying him along. For all of Gabriel’s usual fastidiousness, he seemed to have no qualms about passing out with their come slicked and sweat soiled bodies sticking together.

Satisfied that Gabriel’s crotch was clean, Mohinder moved higher and wiped the remaining sweat from his shoulders and neck, dropping kisses to Gabriel’s chest. The cloth was cooling and it must have roused Gabriel from his light doze because he suddenly caressed Mohinder’s hair and mumbled his name.

‘Hi,’ Mohinder whispered, softly kissing his lips. He swept the cloth quickly over the rest of Gabriel’s torso before tossing it over the side of the bed. Gabriel just hummed against his lips, rubbing his nose clumsily against Mohinder’s and pulled him down to cuddle. Mohinder kicked the blankets up from the foot of the bed and tucked them around their entwined bodies, snuggling deeper into Gabriel’s embrace. ‘That was so good,’ he said, resting against Gabriel’s chest. ‘You were so good, Gabriel.’

Gabriel made a non-committal noise and shrugged. He whispered, ‘_You_ were so good. You always are.’

Sleep was tugging at the back of Mohinder’s mind and he had to stifle a yawn against Gabriel’s shoulder. He could easily have fallen asleep, pretended he hadn’t heard the catch in Gabriel’s voice and given in to the heaviness in his limbs that was trying its best to drag Mohinder under into slumber. But instead he rose up on his arms and studied the frown on Gabriel’s face, unwilling to let the night end with Gabriel feeling resentment or regret that things hadn’t quite gone as he hoped.

Mohinder wasn’t sure yet whether it was time to start adjusting their expectations or whether it was worth still hoping for further progress. Apparently, Gabriel’s thoughts had run the same course because when Mohinder asked, ‘What’s wrong?’, he locked Mohinder in a piercing gaze and asked point blank, ‘What if this is the best it’ll ever be?’

‘I’m happy, Gabriel,’ Mohinder said without hesitation. He had considered the question many times before when Gabriel’s recovery had seemed to plateau and they had spent long and painful nights where Gabriel got more and more annoyed at himself. Mohinder always came to the same conclusion. ‘I’m happier than I’ve ever been. What more do I need? I love you.’

Gabriel stared at him as if trying to catch a flicker of deceit in his features. Then, with a contented sigh, he brushed the hair from Mohinder’s forehead and kissed him tenderly. ‘I love you too,’ he whispered, their smiles hovering half an inch apart.


End file.
